A Checklist for Sending Your Child to College
In addition to sending her own two sons to college, Rose-Marie Hippler helps hundreds of families get ready for the college sendoff.
“Having been through this personally as well as professionally, I bring experience and expertise to parents and their young adults as they leap into the next phase of life,” says Hippler, who has a master’s of social work and is an independent educational consultant at Winter Park College Consultants.
“There are usually a lot of emotions stirring around as the anticipation of going off to college draws closer,” she says. “I remember when we were on the countdown. There were days when I thought the first day of college couldn’t get here fast enough. I decided that was a way of preparing you to say goodbye.”
Hippler believes one way parents and their teens can keep nerves and anxiety at bay is to create a plan. There’s a lot to accomplish before the college sendoff, and it can be overwhelming. Working on a plan of action TOGETHER can be super helpful.
These things may not be on your radar, but Hippler says they need to be on your checklist if you’re sending your child to college:
- Make sure your teen has had a physical and all the shots they will need. If your teen is on regular medication, you’ll want to transfer their prescription to a local pharmacy and make sure they know how to refill it on their own. And, unless you have signed the HIPAA form, healthcare professionals cannot legally give you information about your injured or hospitalized adult child.
- Make a copy of everything in their wallet in case they lose it, which will probably happen at least once.
- Mark all the upcoming events on your calendar. Don’t forget parent’s weekend, sports events you plan to attend, Christmas and spring breaks and even the mid-term and finals schedule. Make hotel and/or travel reservations early for events such as parent’s weekend and airline reservations for your student’s Thanksgiving and winter breaks.
- If your teen hasn’t already opened a checking account, now is the time. Instead of making all the financial arrangements, let them do it. It gives them a good indication of your investment in their education. Plus, it lets them get the hang of balancing a checkbook and keeping up with their own money. (FYI: If you EVER need to talk to someone at the school about billing, financial aid, or school records, your student must give you permission by signing a FERPA waiver. Otherwise, you’ll get absolutely nowhere.)
- Alcohol, drugs, sex and consent, campus safety and mental health issues are factors on every college campus. Your teen probably thinks they have a really good handle on things. However, it’s still a good idea to have some serious conversations about campus conduct or what to do in a mental health crisis. There are too many examples of how things that happen in the college years impact people’s lives. [Read How to Teach Your Daughters the Importance of Consent; How to Teach Your Son About the Importance of Consent]
- If they don’t know how to do their laundry, teach them then let them do their thing. The first time Hippler visited one of her sons, she noticed a stack of sheets in his laundry basket. He explained that he put all three sets of sheets on his bed at once so he could pull off the top fitted and flat sheets and be ready to go. Then he waited until they were all dirty to wash them. It’s not the way she would have done it, but it worked for him.
- Tell them you believe in them and they have been preparing for this their entire life. From the time they went to kindergarten, to middle school, and then to high school, those firsts have been preparing them for this next step in their journey.
Sending your child to college is a big deal for both of you. If you’re struggling with letting go, find experienced friends to walk you through this time of transition. And keep reminding yourself that this is normal.
5 Ways You Can Prepare for a Great School Year
Every fall, children head back to school. While some will be going for the first time, others will be making the transition to a new grade or perhaps even a new school. Transitioning into a new school year can be exciting, but some children are fearful. Thoughts about new teachers, concerns over moving to a new school or anxiety about a new grade are all things your child may be thinking, but not talking about. No matter how old your child is, this is an important time. Parents can help their kids prepare for a great school year by establishing rituals and consistency around the school day.
As human beings, we like to know what to expect, but this is especially true for children. When structure and consistency are missing in their lives, they tend to feel out of control. That out-of-control feeling can lead to acting out. The acting out behavior could range from temper tantrums to refusing to do homework or being disrespectful.
When preparing for a new school year, it is the perfect time to establish a game plan to help your child launch into the school year on a positive note.
Here are a few suggestions to help your child have a positive experience:
- Talk with your children before school starts about the weeks ahead. For younger children, a trip to school is very important. What doesn’t seem scary to adults may be very scary to a young child. Take their feelings seriously. Decide how many extracurricular activities will be allowed.
- Discuss emergency plans. What happens if your child gets sick? Who will pick up your children in the event of a crisis? Also, talk with your child about how you want them to deal with strangers.
- Establish a morning and evening routine. These times can be hurried and stressful, creating anxiety for parents as well as children. Determine ahead of time what you expect. Will you eat breakfast together? What time do you expect your children to be out of bed and getting ready? Who packs lunches? What time should everybody be ready to leave the house? You might want to do a couple of practice runs prior to the start of school. Evening routines might include: setting out the clothes for the next day, putting all of the school gear in one place, and touching base as a family before going to bed. This can really help the morning be a more pleasant experience.
- Make sure your child gets adequate rest. Whether you have young children or teens, research shows that they need around 10 hours of sleep.
- Know your child. Be in touch with your child’s needs. When making decisions about homework, chores, television, etc., consider these questions: Is your child an early riser or a night owl? Do little things tend to stress them out? Consider different options for accomplishing tasks.
When children see you taking their concerns about school seriously, they are more likely to be more excited and less anxious about the experience. Investing your time and effort will give your children the best chance for success.
Other blogs:
4 Ways Having a Routine Contributes to a Happy, Healthy Family
Looking for more? Check out this episode of JulieB TV on this topic!
Dealing with Homework Pressures
At the beginning of the school year, a second-grade teacher in Texas sent this letter home to her classroom parents:
After much research this summer, I am trying something new. Homework will only consist of work that your student did not finish during the school day. There will be no formally assigned homework this year.
Research has been unable to prove that homework improves student performance. Rather, I ask that you spend your evenings doing things that are proven to correlate with student success. Eat dinner as a family, read together, play outside, and get your child to bed early.
Thanks, Mrs. Brandy Young
A parent posted the letter on Facebook with a hearty thank you to the teacher. It went viral as parents nationwide expressed frustration at the amount of homework their children had, along with the stress it created in their homes.
Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman is a clinical director at the New England Center for Pediatric Psychology who contributed to a study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy regarding homework.
She has serious concerns about how much homework children have and its impact on them.
“One study found kindergartners were given 25 minutes or more of homework,” says Donaldson-Pressman. “Homework for kindergartners is supposed to be nonexistent. Children at this age need to be playing outside, experiencing the early stages of socialization, learning how to play, and how to share so they are finessing their motor skills. Family activities and play are more important than homework at this age.”
Donaldson-Pressman believes parents have a lot more control than they realize. Parents can set limits for how long their child does homework.
The National Education Association recommends only 10 minutes per grade level per night.
The same study that found kindergartners spend too much time on homework also found that first graders spent 25 to 30 minutes. By third grade, kids spent more than a half-hour per night. Donaldson-Pressman noted that in her practice, some third graders spent two to four hours on homework – and their parents can’t help them.
According to Donaldson-Pressman, the data shows that homework over the recommended time is not beneficial to children’s grades or GPA. Evidence actually suggests that it’s detrimental to their attitude about school, grades, self-confidence, social skills and quality of life.
If homework creates pressure or stress in your home, Donaldson-Pressman says you can help decrease the angst if you:
- Create a quiet place to do homework.
- Try to do homework at the same time every day.
- Set a timer for 10 minutes for a first-grader, and then have them stop. Fourth graders need to move on to something else after 40 minutes.
As a parent, you probably already know how important it is for children of all ages to get enough rest. Plus, you want them to have time to play, develop friendships outside of school hours and engage in family activities.
In addition to managing the homework situation, assessing your child’s activities and how much pressure kids feel to perform can help. Hopefully, these ideas can allow your family to enjoy more quality time together after a long day at work and school.
