Tag Archive for: Parenting Tips

7 Stress‑Saving Steps for a Smooth Back‑to‑School Launch

If you listen closely, you can already hear it—the zip of fresh backpacks, the crinkle of notebook wrappers, and the collective gasp of parents realizing the days of “popsicles for lunch” are numbered. Whether your child is brand‑new to kindergarten or a seasoned locker‑door slammer, a little prep now will save everyone tears.

Here are seven research‑backed ways to welcome the 2025‑26 school year:

1. Shift the Sleep Schedule…Tonight

Summer bedtimes have a way of sliding faster than a Slip ’N Slide. But sleep isn’t just beauty rest—it’s brain rest. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 9–12 hours for 6‑ to 12‑year‑olds and 8–10 hours for teens. Start rolling bedtime back by 15 minutes each night until you hit the target. Consistent bedtimes aren’t just good for grades; studies show they boost emotion regulation and behavior.

2. Reboot the Morning Routine

Practice makes peaceful. Do a “dry run” of the school‑day routine this week: set alarms, pack lunches, even drive the route. Younger kids love a timer challenge (“Can we get teeth brushed before the countdown ends?”). 

3. Meet the Teacher  Early

If your child’s campus offers an open‑house night or “popsicle on the playground,” go. Nervous systems calm dramatically when hallways morph from the unknown to the familiar. Snap classroom photos so younger kids can study them at home and build excitement.

4. Muscle‑Memory Academics: 20 Minutes a Day

Dust off library cards and math‑fact card decks. Twenty minutes of reading or a quick “grocery‑store math” game in the cereal aisle reactivates neural pathways dulled by the summer months. Think of it as stretching before the marathon—you’re preventing first‑week brain cramps.

5. Build a Homework Landing Zone

Pick one spot for backpacks, chargers, and permission slips—preferably near an outlet and far from the refrigerator. A simple cubby or wall‑mounted hook system turns “Mom, where’s my tablet?” into a non‑issue. Pro tip: post the year’s school calendar right above it so field‑trip forms never disappear.

6. Talk Feelings, Not Just Supplies

Back‑to‑school butterflies are real. Over dinner, try the three‑word check‑in: “Name one thing you’re excited about, one thing you’re nervous about, and one thing you’re curious about.” Normalize mixed emotions and brainstorm coping plans—deep breaths, doodle breaks, or a worry stone tucked in a pocket. When children feel heard, their cortisol falls and their confidence rises.

7. Celebrate the First Week—Whatever Happens

Plan a “High‑Low‑Buffalo” pizza night that first Friday. Everyone shares a high (best moment), a low (toughest moment), and a buffalo (random surprise). Rituals like this turn school into a family team sport and remind kids that mistakes are just detours on the learning road. 

Parents, your calm is contagious. If the crayons aren’t color‑coordinated or the monogrammed lunchbox never arrived, your kids will still learn, laugh, and grow this year. Model flexibility, keep humor handy, and remember: every August is a fresh invitation to shape not just scholars, but resilient human beings.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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When and How to Discuss Tragedies With Your Children

The other night, my 6-year-old son looked up from his peanut butter sandwich and asked, “Mom, what’s going on in that place called Gaza? Everybody is talking about it.” I paused, mid-bite, suddenly aware that his little ears had caught news from the TV at his grandparents’ house.

It’s a question many of us face:

When is the right time to talk to our kids about the hard stuff—the floods, wars, tornadoes, or tragedies that fill the headlines?

And just as important, how do we respond when they find out before we’ve had a chance to prepare them?

As a mom of two, and a professional focused on helping families thrive, I’ve learned that the answer isn’t always clear.

But experts agree on one thing: the best conversations start not with the what, but with the who. Who is your child? What’s their age, their temperament, their understanding of the world?

For little ones like my daughter, under age 3, less is more. They don’t need to know details; they need to know they’re safe and loved. If they catch a glimpse of something scary—an image on TV, a worried tone in our voice—we can say something simple like, “Yes, something happened far away, but we’re okay. And helpers are taking care of it.”

As kids get older, they start to absorb more than we realize—especially from school, siblings, or even YouTube ads you didn’t know autoplayed. With children between the ages of 4 and 8, it helps to start by asking what they’ve heard. “What do you know about what happened?” is a good place to begin. That way, you can gently correct any misunderstandings and address fears without offering more than they need.

And when we do explain, we should be honest—but gentle. We can say, “There was a big storm in another part of the country, and some people got hurt. It’s really sad. But there are lots of people helping.” Sharing basic facts without overwhelming them is key. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, reassurance and emotional support go much further than detailed explanations. They also recommend turning off the TV and avoiding graphic images whenever possible. Kids don’t need a front-row seat to trauma.

Another thing I’ve learned—both from research and from bedtime conversations with my own kids—is that children take their emotional cues from us. If we seem frantic, they’ll feel scared. But if we stay calm and tell the truth with love, they learn it’s okay to feel sad or confused. It’s okay not to have all the answers. In fact, “I don’t know, but I’m here,” might be one of the most comforting things we can say.

When children seem especially affected—clingy, anxious, having nightmares—it might help to create small rituals of safety. Extra snuggles at bedtime. A favorite blanket. Drawing pictures. Or, for older kids, taking action: donating toys, writing a thank-you card to first responders, or simply saying a prayer for those affected. According to Ann Masten, a resilience research professor at the University of Minnesota‘s Institute of Child Development, even young kids can grow stronger through hardship when they have stable relationships, chances to help, and ways to process their feelings.

Of course, we can’t prepare for every question, and we can’t shield our kids from every headline.

But we can be their safe place—the calm in the chaos.

We can turn off the TV and turn toward them. We can hold their hands and help them make sense of a world that, yes, is sometimes scary—but also full of helpers, hope, and healing.

So next time your child asks about the storm, the war, or the thing they overheard in the school hallway, take a breath. Sit with them. Let their questions lead. And remind them—out loud and often—that no matter what happens in the world, they are not alone.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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How to Help Young Kids Grow More Independent 

My almost two-year-old daughter insists on putting her shoes on “by MY-self.” It takes five full minutes, a mild meltdown, and one backward sandal, but she makes it happen. Meanwhile, her six-year-old brother loves to “make his own breakfast”—which, in his world, means putting jelly on bread and pouring his own oatmilk.

Was it messy? Yes.
Did they feel proud? Absolutely.
Was I tempted to take over? Definitely.

But here’s the thing: learning how to do things on their own—even simple stuff—is how kids build confidence, responsibility, and problem-solving skills.

And that’s what healthy independence is all about.

What exactly is “healthy independence” for children? It’s not about turning kids loose or expecting them to do grown-up things. It’s about giving them room to try, make mistakes, and learn.

A child with healthy independence:

  • Tries new things (even if they’re hard)
  • Makes small choices on their own
  • Feels proud of what they can do
  • Knows they can always come back to you for help

Erik Erikson, an ego psychologist who developed one of the most popular and influential theories of human development, explained that kids go through different stages as they grow. For toddlers, the goal is to learn autonomy (doing things for themselves). For preschoolers, it’s about taking initiative (making decisions, solving problems). If we constantly jump in or say “no”  or take over to limit the mess and speed up the process, kids might start to doubt themselves instead of growing into capable little humans.

Here are a few ways parents can foster healthy independence in their child:

1. Let them try (even if it’s slower). It takes longer to let your child zip their jacket or stir pancake batter, but it teaches them important life skills. Experts call this “scaffolding”—you help a little at first, then step back when they’re ready.

2. Let them mess up (kindly). Kids need chances to fail in safe ways. When your child spills water while pouring it, instead of scolding, say, “Oops! Let’s grab a towel together.” This helps them learn without feeling ashamed. According to the Child Mind Institute, this kind of encouragement builds resilience and confidence.

3. Give simple choices. Instead of saying, “Get dressed,” try “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” Giving small options helps kids feel in control without overwhelming them. The National Association for the Education of Young Children recommends giving kids choices in order to support independence.

4. Let them play freely. Kids learn so much through unstructured play. It teaches creativity, social skills, and self-control. Give them time to play outside, build forts, or make up games—without always jumping in to direct.

5. Be warm, but set boundaries. Researchers have found that the best parenting style is one that’s loving and firm. Let your child make choices, but also have clear rules. For example: “You can play outside after you clean up your toys.” This helps them understand that freedom and responsibility go hand in hand.

If you’re worried your young child isn’t on track to build a healthy independence, here are some questions to think about:

  • Do I give my child chances to try things for themselves?
  • Do I let them make safe mistakes?
  • Do I offer choices, not just commands?
  • Do I let them play freely?
  • Am I loving, but still clear about the rules?

If you answered “yes” to most of these, you’re probably doing great. And even if you didn’t—good news: it’s never too late to start.

Helping your child become more independent doesn’t mean they need less of you.

In fact, kids are more likely to take healthy risks when they feel safe and connected to a parent. That’s why strong, loving relationships matter so much.

So when your toddler insists on doing it “all by MY-self,” or your bigger kid wants to pour their own milk—pause before jumping in. Let them try. Cheer them on. Help if they ask. These small moments are how they learn to believe in themselves.

And one day, when they’re facing something really hard—like a school project, a tricky friendship, or even learning to drive—they’ll remember what it feels like to try, fail, succeed, and keep going. Because you gave them that gift.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a sticky kitchen and a toddler with her shoes on the wrong feet. And honestly? I’ve never been more proud.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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The Surprising Subject That’s Missing from Our Kids’ Lives

The other night, my six-year-old son asked, “Can something be true for one person but not for another?” And just like that, between spaghetti and bedtime, we stumbled into philosophy.

I know—it sounds like something best left to college kids with thick glasses and lots of coffee. But recent research says otherwise. In fact, teaching philosophy to kids might be one of the best ways to help them think more clearly, speak more confidently, and understand the world around them. Even better? It doesn’t require fancy lessons or textbooks. Just a little curiosity and a lot of listening.

Philosophy is all about asking big questions and thinking deeply about them. Questions like: What’s right and wrong?, What makes something real?, Why do we do what we do?

It’s not about having the right answers. It’s about learning to ask smart questions, listen to others, and explain your thinking.

And yes, even young kids can do this. They already do—every time they ask “Why?” five times in a row.

According to a recent article from OK Diario, philosophy is one of the best subjects for sharpening kids’ minds. In places where it’s taught, students do better in reading, writing, and math. But here in the U.S., it’s hardly ever part of the school day.

Why? A few reasons. Schools focus so much on testing that there’s little time for open-ended thinking. And some adults assume kids aren’t ready for deep ideas—but the research suggests that’s just not true. Research shows children who study philosophy become better thinkers, kinder classmates, and more confident speakers.

So if it’s so helpful, how can we bring it back?

You don’t need a degree in ancient thinkers to get started. Philosophy can happen anywhere—on the way to school, at dinner, or during storytime. The key is to welcome questions and let your child do the thinking.

When your child asks a big question—like “What happens when we die?” or “Why do some people lie?”—try this:

  • Ask what they think. Instead of giving an answer, say, “That’s a great question. What do you think?”
  • Listen. Let them talk without jumping in right away. Sometimes just saying things out loud helps kids understand their own thoughts.
  • Wonder with them. You can say, “Hmm, I’m not sure either. Let’s think about it together.”

Even toddlers can join in. My daughter, who’s almost two, recently said, “Moon sad.” I didn’t correct her—I asked, “Why do you think the moon is sad?” Her answer? “It’s alone.” Philosophical gold. 

In a world full of quick opinions and loud arguments, kids who can think deeply and speak kindly have a big advantage. Philosophy helps them pause, reflect, and connect with others. It doesn’t just build brains—it builds better people.

So next time your child asks a big question—or even a weird one—lean in. You might just find yourself in the middle of a thoughtful, funny, meaningful conversation. And that’s something no app or worksheet can teach.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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From School Bells to Summer Breezes: 9 Ways to Make the Most of Summer

If your household is anything like mine, summertime can feel like you’ve traded one color-coded calendar (school) for another (everything else).

The good news?

With a pinch of planning and a dash of research-backed creativity, families can turn the season into a relationship-building sandbox—no matter how full the calendar looks.

Here’s the game plan.

1. Name the season before it starts.

Researchers at the National Summer Learning Association call the vacation months “high-impact yet high-need” for kids’ academic and social development—especially when opportunity gaps mean some children have rich programs while others have none. In fact, a recent Gallup-backed summary shows 68% of higher-income students can afford extra summer learning, versus 37% of their lower-income peers.

Defining your family’s priorities—whether it’s catching up on reading or catching lightning bugs—helps guard against the comparison trap while keeping your goals front-and-center.

Pro tip: Hold a five-minute “summer summit” at dinner this week. Ask each child (and grown-up) to name one “must-do,” one “nice-to-do,” and one “let-it-go” item. Post the list on the fridge and let it steer decisions before something else does.

2. Busier schedules don’t mean less time together.

Parents often assume that a packed itinerary leaves no room for connection, but social-psychology research disagrees. Even micro-moments—brief laughs with the barista or a 30-second gratitude text—boost well-being and belonging. Think of your day as Swiss cheese: the holes are tiny, but they’re perfect for intentional touchpoints.

  • Commute-unity: Turn car rides into a “two-question ride.” Let kids pick the questions (e.g., “What superpower would you give the dog today?”).
  • Pocket postcards: Pre-stamp postcards and keep them in your work bag. Scribble a silly note between meetings; kids love snail mail—even when it arrives at their own mailbox.
  • The “Sunset 15”: Choose three evenings a week for a device-free, 15-minute family check-in on the porch. Short, predictable, powerful.

3. Keep flexible routines—your future self will thank you.

A 2023 Journal of Child and Family Studies survey of 1,500 elementary families found that predictable routines were linked to fewer internalizing and externalizing behavior problems and more prosocial skills in kids.

Structure doesn’t kill spontaneity; it liberates it by reducing decision fatigue.

Morning anchors (same wake-up, breakfast playlist, quick chore) and evening rituals (story, stretch, song) give children—and busy parents—cognitive rest stops. Sprinkle in spontaneity inside the framework: Taco Tuesday can become “Torch-lit Taco Tuesday” with flashlights in the backyard.

4. Move, Eat, Sleep—the summer edition.

The CDC reminds us that kids still need at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily, plus fruits, veggies, and plenty of Zzz’s. Make these guidelines work for real life:

  • “Commercial-break calisthenics” for rainy-day screen time. One jumping-jack per year of age during commercial breaks keeps things giggly and on-brand for the 6-year-old audience.
  • Sleep signals: Keep bedtime within 30 minutes of the school-year schedule to avoid September jet lag.

5. Use the SUN strategy: Sleep, Unplug, Nature.

Psychologist Lisa Damour’s summer mantra is delightfully on-the-nose: S for Sleep, U for Unplug, N for Nature. Her research-informed podcast episode argues that these three levers offer the biggest parental bang for the time-pressured buck.

Try a weekly “digital sabbath” hike, or let kids camp in the backyard (toddler makeshift-tent included).

6. Tame the screens before they roar.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends clear “screen-free zones” (think dinner table) and “screen-free times” (pre-bed).

Draft a family media plan together; ownership breeds compliance. For working parents, automatic downtime settings on tablets mean you’re not the summer fun police—the tablet or device just needs a break.

7. Give yourself a grown-up recess.

Seventy percent of parents report feeling exhausted by late August. Block one evening a month for adult recharge—whether that’s a spouse date, solo bookstore wander, or literal nap.

Kids benefit from parents who model healthy boundaries and joy.

8. Leverage community assets.

Remember: camps, church VBS weeks, city splash-pad evenings, and grandparent swaps are not childcare “cop-outs.” They’re relationship multipliers that widen your child’s circle of safe adults while giving you oxygen to lead at work and at home.

Bonus: they often come with built-in social-emotional curricula (check those brochures).

9. Celebrate the last-day-of-summer feeling—now!

Mark the calendar for a simple end-of-summer ritual: backyard movie night, ice-cream-for-dinner day, or “kindergarten graduation keynote” delivered by your rising first-grader. Rituals stitch experiences into memory, signaling to kids,

We did something special together, and it mattered.

Intentional summers aren’t about squeezing more stuff in; they’re about weaving relationships through the stuff that’s already there.

With research as your compass and creativity as your sunscreen, you can step into June confident that every camp pickup, bedtime giggle, and microwaved s’more is building the family you want—one micro-moment at a time.

Happy firefly chasing!

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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The Rise of Gentle Parenting- Helpful or Harmful?

If you have children or grandchildren under the age of 8 years old, you’ve more than likely heard of the rise of gentle parenting. Met with mixed reviews, feelings and feedback, this parenting trend has generated a large buzz. 

But is this nurturing approach the parenting gold standard—or a recipe for raising emotionally fragile, mini-dictators?

Let’s unpack the rise of gentle parenting with a level head and a warm heart (and maybe a little caffeine, if you’ve been gentle parenting all week).

Many influencers and parenting experts share the concepts, skills and effects of gentle parenting, but the term was thought to be originally coined and popularized by author Sarah Ockwell-Smith.

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, respect, connection, and boundaries without punishment.

The idea isn’t to let kids rule the roost, but to guide them with calm consistency and emotional support.

Think less, “Because I said so,” and more, “Let’s talk about why bedtime matters.” (Cue the collective sigh of every parent just trying to get their kid in pajamas before 9 p.m.)

This philosophy has gained traction with millennial and Gen Z parents who grew up with more authoritarian or dismissive approaches. It’s fueled by a growing body of research showing that children’s brains thrive when parents respond with empathy and connection.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, children raised with empathy and emotional attunement are more likely to develop strong emotional regulation skills. “When kids feel safe and understood, their brains develop better impulse control and problem-solving abilities,” she writes.

Neuroscience backs her up. A 2021 study published in the journal Child Development found that children with responsive, emotionally attuned caregivers showed healthier stress responses and stronger executive functioning skills.

Gentle parenting also aligns closely with attachment theory, which suggests that secure, trusting bonds with caregivers are foundational to lifelong mental health and relationship success.

But is there such a thing as too gentle?

Critics argue that gentle parenting—especially when misapplied—can go off the rails.

A Wall Street Journal op-ed titled “We’re Raising a Generation of Delicate Snowflakes”, cautions that in some cases, gentle parenting devolves into permissiveness. “Children need structure, limits, and—yes—consequences to thrive. Constant negotiation teaches kids that rules are up for debate.”

Similarly, Dr. Leonard Sax, author of The Collapse of Parenting, warns that placing a child’s feelings above all else can shift the balance of power in the home. “Some parents are so worried about being gentle, they forget they’re in charge,” he notes.

And let’s be honest—some days, reasoning with a two-year-old about the merits of vegetables feels like negotiating with a tiny, irrational hostage-taker. I know from experience.

Gentle parenting, when practiced with clarity and consistency, can be a game-changer.

It fosters emotional resilience, strengthens parent-child bonds, and steers us away from fear-based discipline. But like any parenting philosophy, it requires balance.

Being a mom of a six-year old and almost two-year old, I aim for consistent boundaries, emotional regulation and natural consequences. I respect the gentle parenting theory. However, focusing on the word “gentle” can easily push me into a permissive state. When I’m needing some parenting mojo, I replace the word with “positive” or “active.” This helps me to remember I’m responsible for the safety and well-being of my child, and I’m also responsible for modeling how to be a “kind human” through deep connection and empathy.

Boundaries still matter. Consequences still matter. And parents? We matter too.

Exhausted, imperfect, deeply loving humans trying to do their best—sometimes with a raised voice, sometimes with a hug, and sometimes with a “because I said so” at 9:47 p.m.

Maybe the gentlest thing parents can do is give ourselves a little grace.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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Family Burnout: How to Spot It, Stop It, and Bounce Back

If you’ve ever found yourself eating leftover chicken nuggets off your toddler’s plate while frantically answering an email and mentally calculating how many minutes you have before soccer practice, congratulations—you may be experiencing family burnout.

As a working parent of two young kids, I know the hustle all too well.

Mornings are a frantic dash of mismatched socks, spilled coffee, and forgotten lunchboxes. Evenings are a blur of homework, dinner, baths, and negotiations over bedtime (which my five-year-old treats as an Olympic sport). Add in extracurricular activities, work stress, and the ever-present guilt of not “doing enough,” and suddenly, burnout isn’t just a workplace phenomenon—it’s a family-wide epidemic.

What does family burnout look like?

In clinical terms, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. While it’s often discussed in professional settings, families are just as susceptible. The signs?

For parents:

Chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling disconnected from your kids, or snapping at your spouse over who forgot to buy milk.

For kids:

Increased tantrums, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, or disengagement from activities they once enjoyed.

For the family as a whole:

More frequent conflicts, less laughter, and the dreaded feeling of merely “getting through the day” instead of enjoying it.

Research backs this up. A study published by the American Psychological Foundation found that parental burnout can be linked to higher levels of neglect and even aggression toward children. Meanwhile, The Journal of Family Psychology notes that overscheduled kids experience heightened stress and anxiety, often mirroring their parents’ emotional states.

The next question to ask: Is it possible to prevent burnout?

The answer is yes, but it does require consistency, boundaries and more intentionality on a daily basis. Here are some steps to get you started:

1. Audit your schedule.

Just because an activity is “good” doesn’t mean it’s good for your family right now. Pediatric psychologist Dr. Jenny Radesky suggests using the “one activity per kid” rule to prevent overcommitment.

2. Reclaim unstructured time.

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics highlights the importance of free play in child development. More importantly, it gives parents a breather! A weekend with no scheduled plans isn’t wasted time—it’s recovery time.

3. Define family priorities.

At First Things First, we often advise families to identify their “core values” to guide decisions. If quality time together ranks higher than a jam-packed schedule, just say no to extra commitments.

4. Protect sleep at all costs.

Chronic sleep deprivation is a major contributor to burnout. A Harvard Medical School study found that lack of sleep increases stress hormones, making both kids and parents more emotionally reactive. Set (and enforce) realistic bedtimes for everyone—including yourself.

5. Establish a “pause” button.

Sometimes, you need to step back before things spiral. Set a weekly family check-in—over pancakes, in the car, or wherever you can get a moment—to ask, “How’s everyone feeling? What’s working, what’s not?”

If you’re already deep in the burnout trenches, don’t panic.

You can rebuild, re-energize and bounce back with these steps:

1. Scale back.

If you feel overwhelmed, so do your kids. Cut one commitment and reassess.

2. Reconnect.

Remember, 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time each day can help repair emotional distance.

3. Get support.

A study from The Journal of Marriage and Family found that strong social networks buffer against stress. Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a therapist.

4. Prioritize self-care.

It’s not indulgent; it’s essential. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.

Burnout isn’t inevitable, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday family life, it can creep in fast.

Slowing down may feel counterintuitive in a world that glorifies busyness, but the best gift we can give our families isn’t another achievement—it’s a life filled with presence, peace, and a little room to breathe.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to enjoy a rare, unscheduled evening that involves nothing but making spaghetti, playing outside and bedtime stories.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually get my own plate of dinner tonight.

Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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When a Parent Goes to Prison: The Unseen Sentence on Children

Last week, I had lunch with my five-year-old son and his kindergarten class.

I try to eat lunch with him at least once a month, so all of his classmates know me fairly well.

One extra talkative student planted themselves next to me and proceeded to tell me all about how one of their parents was recently taken to prison, but they didn’t do anything wrong, they really want them to come home, and they love them with all their heart.

I’ve carried this conversation with me ever since.

Through our work at First Things First, we often deal with parents being incarcerated or losing custody of their children, but we very rarely interact with the children and hear their side of the story.

What happens when a child’s foundation is suddenly fractured? What happens when a child’s parent disappears behind bars?

The United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with over 1.2 million people behind bars.

More than five million children—about 1 in 14—have had a parent incarcerated at some point in their lives, according to research from Child Trends. And the effects on these children? Well, they’re staggering.

Losing a parent to prison isn’t just an absence—it’s an upheaval.

Studies from the last decade show that children with an incarcerated parent are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Unlike other forms of parental separation, incarceration carries stigma and shame, making it harder for children to express their grief.

Dr. Kristin Turney, a sociologist at the University of California, Irvine, has studied the developmental effects of parental incarceration extensively. She found that children in this situation experience greater emotional distress than those who lose a parent to divorce or even death. Why? Because incarceration is unpredictable. The child doesn’t just lose a parent—they gain a confusing tangle of uncertainty, social stigma, and economic hardship.

Data from the National Survey of Children’s Health shows that children of incarcerated parents are more likely to struggle in school, have behavioral problems, and even face increased risks of chronic health issues. The toxic stress caused by parental incarceration—when prolonged and unbuffered by strong, stable relationships—literally alters brain development, making it harder for children to regulate emotions and concentrate.

And then there’s the financial toll.

Many incarcerated parents were primary providers, and when they’re gone, families often spiral into deeper poverty. Fewer resources mean higher stress at home, less parental supervision, and a higher likelihood that the cycle of incarceration will repeat.

So, what can we do?

Experts emphasize that children need stability, connection, and open conversations to mitigate the damage.

1. Regular Contact Matters

    Research by the Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services suggests that maintaining strong parent-child bonds—even through prison visitation—can reduce the emotional harm of separation. Children who maintain contact with their incarcerated parent often fare better emotionally and behaviorally.

    2. Honest, Age-Appropriate Conversations

    Psychologists recommend avoiding secrecy. Instead of saying, “Daddy is away on a trip,” it’s better to explain in simple, truthful terms that he made a mistake, is facing consequences, but still loves them.

    3. Community Support Is Key

    Programs like Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges” provide books, videos, and tools to help kids process their feelings. Mentorship programs, like those from one of our partner organizations, Big Brothers Big Sisters, also offer children a steady adult presence when a parent is absent.

    Parental incarceration is not just a criminal justice issue—it’s a childhood development issue, a public health issue, and a societal issue. While we can’t rewrite the past, we can build better support systems for these children so they don’t have to serve a silent sentence alongside their parents.

    Lauren Hall is the President and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at [email protected].

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