OMG!! The news is on again! I roll my eyes. My husband is getting his minute-by-minute information about COVID-19. For me, it’s overwhelming and too much. I just want the facts, not everyone’s opinions about the facts. I don’t know about anyone else, but this time and space in history has taught me how different my husband and I are.
It reminds me of my favorite movie, “Forrest Gump.” Forrest described him and Jenny as Peas and Carrots. Items that can stand alone, but go well together. There are other complementary pairs like peanut butter and chocolate, ham and eggs or fish and grits. (Savannah, GA is my home.)
The key is to remember that each item holds culinary value. They may be different, but their differences do NOT make them deficient when compared to each other. It is important to recognize that our mindset matters. Perspective is vitally important. How we choose to see or experience our differences is key.
The More You Go There, The More You Go There.
Since we are homeschooling and home-working, the differences that we have with our spouse or partner may be MORE pronounced and MORE irritating. Differences in how we set the daily schedule, how and on what items money is spent are a few of the differences that are exacerbated. When you are at your wit’s end with how your spouse washes the dishes or places the toilet paper on the roll, stop. Take a deep breath. Say to yourself, they are trying to help in the way that they know how; Different is Not Deficient. Different is NOT deficient.
Believe the Best About Your Spouse.
Yes, they do things differently than you. I don’t believe that most spouses wake up daily with the intent of making their spouse miserable. We have to make a conscious effort to train our brain to see the positive efforts they are making during these trying times.
Boss your feelings around.
It’s important that we acknowledge our feelings, but don’t allow them to dominate how we react. In other words, seek to respond versus react. When my husband folds the towels and I see that they are folded his way rather than “my way,” my first reaction may be to ask, “Why did you fold them that way?” A better response would be, “Thank you for helping with the laundry!”
In the midst of COVID-19, I am reminded of a wonderful saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff!” It is important to remember that you and your spouse are a TEAM. Each player on the team has a role to play. For our RELATIONSHIP to be at its best, we must be doing our BEST as individuals. For many, this pandemic can be an opportunity for individual and relationship growth.
Depending on how we intentionally focus on each other determines whether or not we come out better on the side. Take this time of Social Distancing and Self-Quarantine as an opportunity to be BETTER TOGETHER.
For more help with avoiding and managing conflict in your marriage, check out these blogs!
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear your computer or device is being monitored, call the hotline 24/7 at: 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***