“What if you don’t respect or appreciate your spouse?”That’s the question a woman asked social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn after she spoke at a conference on the topic of kindness.Feldhahn encouraged her to take a 30-day Kindness Challenge. The steps are: Say nothing negative about that person – either to them or about them.Each day, find one positive thing to praise or affirm about that person. Then tell them and tell someone else. Each day, do one small …
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Kindness-Superpower-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-03 00:00:002020-10-14 11:57:33Kindness: The Superpower Everyone Can Use
In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: 25 Years of Research, Dr. Judith Wallerstein contends that the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Instead, the effects of divorce on children are cumulative.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Adult-Children-of-Divorce-Speak-Out-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-01 00:00:002021-09-20 10:57:46Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out
Just weeks into their marriage, Sam and Ellen* were caught a bit off guard as their different perspectives about certain things became very real. While they had discussed many of the big potential areas of conflict – money, career, children and how they wanted to deal with their in-laws – the impact of the more “trivial” matters on their marriage surprised them.For example, things like socks on the floor, how to squeeze the toothpaste tube, how to do household chores, how to spend th…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/3-skills-for-managing-conflict-in-marriage-e1583980432726.png6161400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-31 00:00:002021-11-10 14:04:113 Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage
J.J. and Beverly Jerman were dating when they decided to venture into working together.“I was working as a nurse in a GI Lab at the time and developed an allergy to cleaning chemicals so I had to find a different job,” says Beverly. “J.J.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/7-tips-for-couples-who-work-together-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-31 00:00:002020-07-21 12:08:347 Tips for Couples Who Work Together
Greg Smalley first met his bride-to-be during a rather embarrassing moment. Greg had fallen asleep in class. Erin, who sat behind him, decided to have a little fun.
You started out with such great intentions, but today your marriage is floundering. The emotional pain runs deep, and both of you struggle with a sense of bewilderment. How can your relationship be in such turmoil when it started out so strong?”I encounter many couples who find themselves in this exact place,” says Pam Johnson, a licensed clinical social worker.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/on-the-verge-of-divorce.png9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-28 00:00:002020-07-07 08:29:26On the Verge of Divorce?
Believe it or not, many couples are just trying to make it through the holidays before filing for divorce. Nothing they have tried is working, so they assume divorce is the answer.Most people believe it takes two dedicated partners to salvage a troubled marriage. Michele Weiner-Davis, internationally-known relationship expert and author of the best-selling book Divorce Busting, disagrees.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Holding-Out-Hope-for-Marriage-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-25 00:00:002020-07-07 08:29:56Holding Out Hope for Marriage
Vice President Pence has been the subject of many conversations lately regarding his rule about not dining alone with a woman other than his wife. People have varying opinions on the matter. Some think it is a good rule; others say it is archaic.Regardless of your opinion, plenty of research indicates that it's worthy of our attention.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/5-Ways-to-Protect-Your-Marriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-25 00:00:002022-02-18 15:54:215 Ways to Protect Your Marriage
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Retirement-and-Marriage-1400.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-24 00:00:002020-07-07 08:31:19Retirement and Marriage
Don't let a screen distract you from your most important relationship.
Does media use really impact marital quality?This question has been swirling around in the minds of many for more than a decade. According to attorneys, the use of social media impacts divorce cases now more than ever before. Counselors also say it is increasingly common for couples to argue about media use in a marriage counseling session.You only have to look around to see how media use impacts marriages.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Social-media-and-marriage-1400-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-17 00:00:002021-04-28 10:01:034 Ways You Can Protect Your Marriage From Social Media
Popular shows like Married by America or The Bachelor might lead you to believe that marriage, which has been declining for 30 years, is making a comeback. But look closely at these shows: their focus is more on romantic relationships and lavish weddings.Is marriage only about fulfilling our emotional needs, or is it something more?According to Dr. David Popenoe, co-director of Rutgers’ National Marriage Project, marriage means much more than that.“What people seem to have forgotten is one very …
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Whats-the-Point-of-Marriage.png8001200Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-16 00:00:002020-07-07 08:32:58What’s The Point of Marriage?
Have you “friended” an old flame on Facebook without telling your spouse?Once you marry, is it OK to have close friends of the opposite sex?If asked to choose between going out with your friends or staying home with your spouse, which would you prefer?Do you discuss details about your marriage relationship with your parents?How you answer these questions can have a dramatic impact on your current or future marriage relationship.Most people are excited about spending the rest of their…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/How-Boundaries-Can-Help-Your-Marriage-2.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-16 00:00:002021-10-28 11:01:49How Boundaries Can Protect Your Marriage
Improving your skills is great for your relationship!
Research on what makes marriage work indicates that happy and healthy couples demonstrate a ratio of 5:1 positive to negative behaviors in their relationship.This means there are five times as many positive interactions between happy couples (i.e. listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as there are negative (i.e. raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger).Tips for improving t…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/couple-sitting-on-wooden-bench-3764148-scaled.jpg13662048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-16 00:00:002022-01-13 14:01:16Keys to Effective Communication in Marriage
Sally, an outdoor enthusiast, is happily married to her husband, Sam, a computer buff.* Instead of nagging Sam about not being outside with her, Sally joined a weekly hiking club to meet her need to experience the great outdoors. Sally made lots of new friends. On hikes they would talk about kids, spouses, etc.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Can_a_marriage_survive_an-affair-1400-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-15 00:00:002022-03-11 14:47:14Can a Marriage Survive an Affair?
Marriage expert and creator of divorcebusting.com, Michele Weiner-Davis, and her husband Jim have been married for more than 30 years. Since Weiner-Davis is an expert, you might assume that marriage would be easy.“Expert or not, marriage is hard work,” says Weiner-Davis. “At times you consider quitting.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/Seasons_of_a_Marriage-1400-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-15 00:00:002020-07-07 08:50:53Seasons of a Marriage
David H. Olson, founder of Life Innovations and one of the creators of the Prepare/Enrich marriage enrichment tools, has surveyed 21,501 married couples in all 50 states to identify the top ten strengths of happy marriages.Research shows the strongest couples are those who have strong communication skills, a clear sense of closeness as a couple, flexibility, personal compatibility and good conflict management skills.In strong marriages, there is a balance between separateness and togetherness. T…
As people marry later in life, many are bringing long-term opposite-sex friendships into their marriage relationship. While the friendships were great during singlehood, in marriage, it can be hard to know if these opposite-sex friends are ok. “I think it is OK for married people to have opposite-sex friends,” says Lisa Stewart. “However, I believe…
Distinguished professor and author Dr. Pat Love challenges each of us to consider our beliefs about the permanence of marriage.“According to research, 95 percent of young people still want marriage and children as an ideal, but more people are living single than ever before,” says Love. “The median length of marriage today is eight years.“Three out of four people say that marriage isn’t about family, it’s about me.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/blog-fpo-5.png8001200Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-07-20 00:00:002021-02-17 10:27:04Do You Believe in Marriage?
Kindness: The Superpower Everyone Can Use
“What if you don’t respect or appreciate your spouse?”That’s the question a woman asked social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn after she spoke at a conference on the topic of kindness.Feldhahn encouraged her to take a 30-day Kindness Challenge. The steps are: Say nothing negative about that person – either to them or about them.Each day, find one positive thing to praise or affirm about that person. Then tell them and tell someone else. Each day, do one small …
Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out
In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: 25 Years of Research, Dr. Judith Wallerstein contends that the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Instead, the effects of divorce on children are cumulative.
3 Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage
Just weeks into their marriage, Sam and Ellen* were caught a bit off guard as their different perspectives about certain things became very real. While they had discussed many of the big potential areas of conflict – money, career, children and how they wanted to deal with their in-laws – the impact of the more “trivial” matters on their marriage surprised them.For example, things like socks on the floor, how to squeeze the toothpaste tube, how to do household chores, how to spend th…
7 Tips for Couples Who Work Together
J.J. and Beverly Jerman were dating when they decided to venture into working together.“I was working as a nurse in a GI Lab at the time and developed an allergy to cleaning chemicals so I had to find a different job,” says Beverly. “J.J.
The Wholehearted Marriage
Greg Smalley first met his bride-to-be during a rather embarrassing moment. Greg had fallen asleep in class. Erin, who sat behind him, decided to have a little fun.
On the Verge of Divorce?
You started out with such great intentions, but today your marriage is floundering. The emotional pain runs deep, and both of you struggle with a sense of bewilderment. How can your relationship be in such turmoil when it started out so strong?”I encounter many couples who find themselves in this exact place,” says Pam Johnson, a licensed clinical social worker.
Holding Out Hope for Marriage
Believe it or not, many couples are just trying to make it through the holidays before filing for divorce. Nothing they have tried is working, so they assume divorce is the answer.Most people believe it takes two dedicated partners to salvage a troubled marriage. Michele Weiner-Davis, internationally-known relationship expert and author of the best-selling book Divorce Busting, disagrees.
5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage
Vice President Pence has been the subject of many conversations lately regarding his rule about not dining alone with a woman other than his wife. People have varying opinions on the matter. Some think it is a good rule; others say it is archaic.Regardless of your opinion, plenty of research indicates that it's worthy of our attention.
Retirement and Marriage
Neal and Pat Smith had a pretty consistent routine for 38 of their 50-plus years of marriage. Mr. Smith went to work and Mrs.
4 Ways You Can Protect Your Marriage From Social Media
Does media use really impact marital quality?This question has been swirling around in the minds of many for more than a decade. According to attorneys, the use of social media impacts divorce cases now more than ever before. Counselors also say it is increasingly common for couples to argue about media use in a marriage counseling session.You only have to look around to see how media use impacts marriages.
What’s The Point of Marriage?
Popular shows like Married by America or The Bachelor might lead you to believe that marriage, which has been declining for 30 years, is making a comeback. But look closely at these shows: their focus is more on romantic relationships and lavish weddings.Is marriage only about fulfilling our emotional needs, or is it something more?According to Dr. David Popenoe, co-director of Rutgers’ National Marriage Project, marriage means much more than that.“What people seem to have forgotten is one very …
How Boundaries Can Protect Your Marriage
Have you “friended” an old flame on Facebook without telling your spouse?Once you marry, is it OK to have close friends of the opposite sex?If asked to choose between going out with your friends or staying home with your spouse, which would you prefer?Do you discuss details about your marriage relationship with your parents?How you answer these questions can have a dramatic impact on your current or future marriage relationship.Most people are excited about spending the rest of their…
Keys to Effective Communication in Marriage
Research on what makes marriage work indicates that happy and healthy couples demonstrate a ratio of 5:1 positive to negative behaviors in their relationship.This means there are five times as many positive interactions between happy couples (i.e. listening, validating the other person, using soft words, expressing appreciation, affirmation, physical affection, compliments, etc.) as there are negative (i.e. raising one’s voice, stating a complaint, or expressing one’s anger).Tips for improving t…
Can a Marriage Survive an Affair?
Sally, an outdoor enthusiast, is happily married to her husband, Sam, a computer buff.* Instead of nagging Sam about not being outside with her, Sally joined a weekly hiking club to meet her need to experience the great outdoors. Sally made lots of new friends. On hikes they would talk about kids, spouses, etc.
Seasons of a Marriage
Marriage expert and creator of divorcebusting.com, Michele Weiner-Davis, and her husband Jim have been married for more than 30 years. Since Weiner-Davis is an expert, you might assume that marriage would be easy.“Expert or not, marriage is hard work,” says Weiner-Davis. “At times you consider quitting.
Top 10 Strengths of Happy Marriages
David H. Olson, founder of Life Innovations and one of the creators of the Prepare/Enrich marriage enrichment tools, has surveyed 21,501 married couples in all 50 states to identify the top ten strengths of happy marriages.Research shows the strongest couples are those who have strong communication skills, a clear sense of closeness as a couple, flexibility, personal compatibility and good conflict management skills.In strong marriages, there is a balance between separateness and togetherness. T…
Are Opposite-Sex Friends OK?
As people marry later in life, many are bringing long-term opposite-sex friendships into their marriage relationship. While the friendships were great during singlehood, in marriage, it can be hard to know if these opposite-sex friends are ok. “I think it is OK for married people to have opposite-sex friends,” says Lisa Stewart. “However, I believe…
Do You Believe in Marriage?
Distinguished professor and author Dr. Pat Love challenges each of us to consider our beliefs about the permanence of marriage.“According to research, 95 percent of young people still want marriage and children as an ideal, but more people are living single than ever before,” says Love. “The median length of marriage today is eight years.“Three out of four people say that marriage isn’t about family, it’s about me.