If you have in-laws who seem cross the line a lot, here are some constructive strategies for dealing with them.Don't assume they are intentionally trying to be difficult. In many instances, people think they are being helpful. They don't realize that dropping by unannounced or giving unsolicited marital or parenting advice is not appreciated. Get with your spouse and brainstorm things that your in-laws could do that would be helpful.
Whether it's your first holiday as a married couple or not, it's helpful to have a plan for how you're going to handle the holidays together.Set a specific time to talk about how you want to spend the holidays. Remember that you are on the same team and your spouse is your first priority… not your family.As negotiations proceed, keep in mind that it isn’t your job to please everybody. You may make some decisions that disappoint one family or the other.
Stability in the home impacts a child's wellbeing.
In an article published by the Brookings Institute, Richard Reeves wrote about the fact that Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton became a father on Christmas Eve 2015.So what’s the big deal, you ask? Cam is single. He and his girlfriend, along with many others, didn't see the importance of tying the knot before having a child.Before you stop reading in disgust and think this is just old-fashioned rhetoric, please take a deep breath and try to read all the way to the end.There is n…
Here are some practical ways to address a common issue.
If you're married, it's likely that the thought of divorce has crossed your mind at some point. The question is, what did you do with that thought? That’s exactly what researchers with the National Divorce Decision-Making Project wanted to know.While research exists about what leads to marital breakdown, we know very little about what actually causes people to consider divorce.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/3TipsForSatisfactionInLoveAndMarriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-03 00:00:002022-04-07 14:54:553 Tips for Satisfaction in Love and Marriage
There are challenges ahead, but you can get ready for them!
Scene 1: The Big DayThe day has finally arrived. You walk down the aisle taking in all of the people who have come to witness this momentous occasion. You and your fiancé enthusiastically say “I do!” There is a great celebration and finally you leave.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/TheFirstYearOfMarriage-andreas-ronningen-29698-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-02 00:00:002021-02-17 11:15:05The First Year of Marriage
This is the first in a series on pornography and its impact on marriages, families and communities.Numerous studies indicate that porn is a very significant problem in the U.S. In fact, the Justice Department estimates that 9 out of 10 children between 8 and 16 have seen online porn.Furthermore, at an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers meeting, two-thirds of the attendees said excessive interest in online pornography contributed to more than half their divorce caseload. A leading Fortune 50…
If your marriage was in trouble, who would you turn to help you out? Would it be a spiritual leader, female friend or a co-worker? Or maybe a male friend or a family member?"Results from our online survey indicate that people are most likely to confide in a female friend, followed by a family member, male friend and co-worker," says Dr.
Does it have anything to do with love and success?
According to Michael and Amy Smalley, they could not have been more in love than they were when they walked down the aisle. Their relationship was passionate and romantic. They say that chemistry completely blinded them."I was her knight in shining armor," says Michael.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Compatibility-and-Chemistry-in-Marriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-15 00:00:002022-05-13 11:27:40Compatibility and Chemistry in Marriage
In this culture of throw-away everything, many young people are shocked to meet a couple who has been married for more than 20 years. They often claim to have never met someone who has been married that long. Then they ask, “How did you do that, and why?”What helps couples experience long-term marriage?Lead researcher Dr.
Remarrying with children often creates a complex dynamic. Expectations may not be clear and people aren’t sure how to behave. Ex-spouses and their new spouse impact what happens in your household.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/10-Tips-to-Help-Blended-Families.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-11 00:00:002022-05-27 10:35:0410 Tips to Help Blended Families
You can learn a lot from living and working together.
Did you know that 1.4 million married couples in the United States not only live together, but they work together, too?Robin and Michael McKenna ran the family business together for 10 years in Savannah, Georgia.“My husband was working in corporate America,” says Mrs. McKenna. “We realized that we could either move around with his job or move to Savannah and help his father run the family business.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Couples-Who-Work-Together.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-11 00:00:002022-05-27 10:56:20Couples Who Work Together
Perhaps you have seen the video It’s Not about the Nail that has millions of views on YouTube.As a couple sits on the couch, the female describes relentless pressure and pain in her head that won’t go away. While she vocalizes her frustration, the scene expands enough for the viewer to see a nail in her forehead.The male says to her, “You do have a nail in your head.”Her response? “It is not about the nail.”An argument ensues.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Stop-Trying-to-Fix-It.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-11 00:00:002022-06-01 11:05:22Stop Trying to Fix It
Staying together through life's ups and downs is possible.
When the kids leave the nest and are almost off the payroll, that second half of marriage is within sight. You finally have time to breathe. But suddenly you have questions…What in the heck will we do with the second half of our marriage?How will we handle the challenges of aging parents, crises with the children or unexpected medical issues?What about retirement, finances and the like?While some couples look forward to the years ahead, others feel trapped.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Second-Half-of-Marriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-10 00:00:002022-06-23 09:57:24The Second Half of Marriage
These habits may be just what your marriage needs.
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers? Does it feel like your marriage is in a constant state of chaos? Have you caught yourself wishing for the life you don’t have?If you answered yes to any of these questions, you aren’t alone.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Tips-for-a-Highly-Happy-Marriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-10 00:00:002022-08-03 13:46:25Tips for a Highly Happy Marriage
Can a simple date night really make that much difference in a marriage? That's a great question!You probably know about the benefits of family meals and the preventative factors associated with pulling off this feat. For example, your children are less likely to try drugs and alcohol, and they're more likely to do well in school.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Planning-Your-Ultimate-Date-Night-e1584031762628.jpg8151400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-10 00:00:002022-08-03 15:48:30Planning Your Ultimate Date Night
Being kind has the power to transform every relationship.
“What if you don’t respect or appreciate your spouse?”That’s the question a woman asked social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn after she spoke at a conference on the topic of kindness.Feldhahn encouraged her to take a 30-day Kindness Challenge. The steps are: Say nothing negative about that person – either to them or about them.Each day, find one positive thing to praise or affirm about that person. Then tell them and tell someone else. Each day, do one small …
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Kindness-Superpower-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-03 00:00:002022-08-10 13:52:10Kindness: The Superpower Everyone Can Use
In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: 25 Years of Research, Dr. Judith Wallerstein contends that the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Instead, the effects of divorce on children are cumulative.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Adult-Children-of-Divorce-Speak-Out-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-09-01 00:00:002022-08-10 14:39:10Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out
Just weeks into their marriage, Sam and Ellen* were caught a bit off guard as their different perspectives about certain things became very real. While they had discussed many of the big potential areas of conflict – money, career, children and how they wanted to deal with their in-laws – the impact of the more “trivial” matters on their marriage surprised them.For example, things like socks on the floor, how to squeeze the toothpaste tube, how to do household chores, how to spend th…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/3-skills-for-managing-conflict-in-marriage-e1583980432726.png6161400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-31 00:00:002022-07-08 10:01:483 Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage
J.J. and Beverly Jerman were dating when they decided to venture into working together.“I was working as a nurse in a GI Lab at the time and developed an allergy to cleaning chemicals so I had to find a different job,” says Beverly. “J.J.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/7-tips-for-couples-who-work-together-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-08-31 00:00:002022-08-10 15:04:267 Tips for Couples Who Work Together
Dealing with Difficult In-Laws
If you have in-laws who seem cross the line a lot, here are some constructive strategies for dealing with them.Don't assume they are intentionally trying to be difficult. In many instances, people think they are being helpful. They don't realize that dropping by unannounced or giving unsolicited marital or parenting advice is not appreciated. Get with your spouse and brainstorm things that your in-laws could do that would be helpful.
7 Tips for Setting Healthy Holiday Boundaries
Whether it's your first holiday as a married couple or not, it's helpful to have a plan for how you're going to handle the holidays together.Set a specific time to talk about how you want to spend the holidays. Remember that you are on the same team and your spouse is your first priority… not your family.As negotiations proceed, keep in mind that it isn’t your job to please everybody. You may make some decisions that disappoint one family or the other.
Marriage Benefits Children
In an article published by the Brookings Institute, Richard Reeves wrote about the fact that Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton became a father on Christmas Eve 2015.So what’s the big deal, you ask? Cam is single. He and his girlfriend, along with many others, didn't see the importance of tying the knot before having a child.Before you stop reading in disgust and think this is just old-fashioned rhetoric, please take a deep breath and try to read all the way to the end.There is n…
Considering Divorce
If you're married, it's likely that the thought of divorce has crossed your mind at some point. The question is, what did you do with that thought? That’s exactly what researchers with the National Divorce Decision-Making Project wanted to know.While research exists about what leads to marital breakdown, we know very little about what actually causes people to consider divorce.
3 Tips for Satisfaction in Love and Marriage
Before marriage, engaged couples usually have a few expectations about their day-to-day roles. Who will manage the money? Who should initiate romance?
The First Year of Marriage
Scene 1: The Big DayThe day has finally arrived. You walk down the aisle taking in all of the people who have come to witness this momentous occasion. You and your fiancé enthusiastically say “I do!” There is a great celebration and finally you leave.
How Porn Impacts the Brain
This is the first in a series on pornography and its impact on marriages, families and communities.Numerous studies indicate that porn is a very significant problem in the U.S. In fact, the Justice Department estimates that 9 out of 10 children between 8 and 16 have seen online porn.Furthermore, at an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers meeting, two-thirds of the attendees said excessive interest in online pornography contributed to more than half their divorce caseload. A leading Fortune 50…
Marital First Responders
If your marriage was in trouble, who would you turn to help you out? Would it be a spiritual leader, female friend or a co-worker? Or maybe a male friend or a family member?"Results from our online survey indicate that people are most likely to confide in a female friend, followed by a family member, male friend and co-worker," says Dr.
Compatibility and Chemistry in Marriage
According to Michael and Amy Smalley, they could not have been more in love than they were when they walked down the aisle. Their relationship was passionate and romantic. They say that chemistry completely blinded them."I was her knight in shining armor," says Michael.
Secrets of Long-Term Marital Bliss
In this culture of throw-away everything, many young people are shocked to meet a couple who has been married for more than 20 years. They often claim to have never met someone who has been married that long. Then they ask, “How did you do that, and why?”What helps couples experience long-term marriage?Lead researcher Dr.
10 Tips to Help Blended Families
Remarrying with children often creates a complex dynamic. Expectations may not be clear and people aren’t sure how to behave. Ex-spouses and their new spouse impact what happens in your household.
Couples Who Work Together
Did you know that 1.4 million married couples in the United States not only live together, but they work together, too?Robin and Michael McKenna ran the family business together for 10 years in Savannah, Georgia.“My husband was working in corporate America,” says Mrs. McKenna. “We realized that we could either move around with his job or move to Savannah and help his father run the family business.
Stop Trying to Fix It
Perhaps you have seen the video It’s Not about the Nail that has millions of views on YouTube.As a couple sits on the couch, the female describes relentless pressure and pain in her head that won’t go away. While she vocalizes her frustration, the scene expands enough for the viewer to see a nail in her forehead.The male says to her, “You do have a nail in your head.”Her response? “It is not about the nail.”An argument ensues.
The Second Half of Marriage
When the kids leave the nest and are almost off the payroll, that second half of marriage is within sight. You finally have time to breathe. But suddenly you have questions…What in the heck will we do with the second half of our marriage?How will we handle the challenges of aging parents, crises with the children or unexpected medical issues?What about retirement, finances and the like?While some couples look forward to the years ahead, others feel trapped.
Tips for a Highly Happy Marriage
Do you ever feel like you and your spouse are roommates instead of lovers? Does it feel like your marriage is in a constant state of chaos? Have you caught yourself wishing for the life you don’t have?If you answered yes to any of these questions, you aren’t alone.
Planning Your Ultimate Date Night
Can a simple date night really make that much difference in a marriage? That's a great question!You probably know about the benefits of family meals and the preventative factors associated with pulling off this feat. For example, your children are less likely to try drugs and alcohol, and they're more likely to do well in school.
Kindness: The Superpower Everyone Can Use
“What if you don’t respect or appreciate your spouse?”That’s the question a woman asked social researcher Shaunti Feldhahn after she spoke at a conference on the topic of kindness.Feldhahn encouraged her to take a 30-day Kindness Challenge. The steps are: Say nothing negative about that person – either to them or about them.Each day, find one positive thing to praise or affirm about that person. Then tell them and tell someone else. Each day, do one small …
Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out
In The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: 25 Years of Research, Dr. Judith Wallerstein contends that the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Instead, the effects of divorce on children are cumulative.
3 Skills for Managing Conflict in Marriage
Just weeks into their marriage, Sam and Ellen* were caught a bit off guard as their different perspectives about certain things became very real. While they had discussed many of the big potential areas of conflict – money, career, children and how they wanted to deal with their in-laws – the impact of the more “trivial” matters on their marriage surprised them.For example, things like socks on the floor, how to squeeze the toothpaste tube, how to do household chores, how to spend th…
7 Tips for Couples Who Work Together
J.J. and Beverly Jerman were dating when they decided to venture into working together.“I was working as a nurse in a GI Lab at the time and developed an allergy to cleaning chemicals so I had to find a different job,” says Beverly. “J.J.
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