Miss part 1? Don't worry – you can read it here!It did not take Dr. Chapman long to realize that having an attitude of service toward his wife transformed and actually saved his marriage.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/nathan-dumlao-lFFDJXu4GxQ-unsplash-e1584215575113.jpg5811250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-11-13 00:00:002020-11-16 11:24:31Keys to a Healthy Family, Part 2
Margery D. Rosen, author of Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage, a book based on her Ladies’ Home Journal column, Can this Marriage be Saved? interviewed hundreds of couples whose marriages were in distress and appeared hopeless.“The book is a compilation of columns over the years as well as information from social scientists to help couples have hope,” Rosen says.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/hian-oliveira-rDPoVyPRebo-unsplash-1-scaled.jpg13262048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-11-10 00:00:002020-11-16 10:36:52There is Hope for Your Marriage
Early in their marriage Susan and Scott* wanted to please both of their families when it came to how they spent time together over the holidays. Her mom wanted them to celebrate Thanksgiving with her. His mom celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, so her mom requested Christmas Day at her house. Despite some angst over changing things up, it worked fairly well until their first child came along.
Have you ever thought about how today’s amazing technological advances affect relationships?There are very few places where you can’t technologically connect in some way. You can place calls whenever and wherever. It’s fairly inexpensive and there are no additional fees.
Have you ever thought or said these words?I just can’t take it anymore… We’ve grown apart… I love you as a friend, but I’m not in love with you anymore… You aren’t the person I married… Things change.The crazy thing is, many happily married people also experience some of these feelings. It's true. Sometimes you feel like you can’t take it anymore.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/benjamin-le-roux-Dt5NZgX8R3I-unsplash-scaled.jpg20481366Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-31 00:00:002021-09-01 13:48:136 Tips for a “Til Death Do Us Part” Marriage
Do you want an awesome, amazing, mind-blowing marriage?The answer to that question is usually a resounding YES! But, it is quickly followed with something like, “I could only hope for that,” or “Only in my dreams.”“Based on my experience as a counselor, I think a lot of people feel like they are sentenced to a life of boredom when they marry,” says Darlene Karst, counselor, marriage educator and wife. “The reality is that could not be further from the tr…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/jose-escobar-q-kJCPPzya0-unsplash.jpg8331250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-31 00:00:002020-11-25 09:44:31How You Can Have an Awesome, Amazing, Mind-Blowing Marriage
According to marriage experts, there are probably more fireworks going on outside the bedroom than inside.Data collected from the 2014 General Social Survey indicates that married couples have sex approximately 58 times a year. If you are under 30, however, it’s around 111 times. Approximately 15 percent of married couples haven’t made love with their spouse in the last six months to a year.In a TEDx talk, therapist Michele Weiner-Davis describes this phenomenon as the sex-starved marr…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/mio-ito-U8OYfPBceWE-unsplash-scaled.jpg13572048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-31 00:00:002020-11-25 10:02:15Sex: From Sparklers to Fireworks in the Bedroom
Is your marriage unexciting and dull? Have the feelings you had for each other on your wedding day become a distant memory? Do you ever look at other people and envy the spontaneity and freedom they seem to have?
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/anthony-tran-rvdlDB1D68c-unsplash.jpg32682178Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-30 00:00:002020-11-30 12:27:004 Tips for Handling a Ho-Hum Stage in Marriage
When it comes to romancing your mate for special holidays like Valentine's Day or birthdays, some couples have a head start on the celebration. Why? They've discovered that making regular time for each other is linked to lots of relationship benefits.According to The Date Night Opportunity, a 2012 report released by the National Marriage Project, couples who manage to devote time specifically to one another at least once a week:Are markedly more likely to enjoy high-quality relationships…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/hannah-busing-xfKEy_6x4pw-unsplash.jpg13652048Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-30 00:00:002020-11-30 12:56:06How Date Night Can Boost Your Relationship
If you're married, you've probably had a spirited discussion or two with your spouse. Chances are, it's been about money, sex, jealousy over time spent outside the marriage, in-laws, child rearing or spirituality/faith.“Based on research, we have learned that these are six of the most common toxic subjects for couples,” says Beverly Rodgers, marriage and family therapist and co-author of Soul Healing Love. “These topics cause the greatest amount of conflict in a mar…
Hint: It does more than just get you out of the house.
In the early years of marriage, couples usually find it easy to schedule date nights. Once children come along and careers get more intense though, date night takes last place on the list of important things needing attention. Before long, couples find themselves going through the motions of marriage and stuck in a rut when it comes to romance, all the while looking for a cure.Guess what?
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/WhyDateNightMatters-suzana-sousa-264475.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-23 06:30:002022-04-28 09:31:33Why Date Night Matters
Why do some couples embrace the empty nest while others end up in divorce court?“There are lots of sides to the empty nest that are complicated,” says psychologist, Dr. Susan Hickman. “Many experience depression, feelings of sadness, anxiety, identity crisis and significant grief.
“We love his parents, but they have a way of creating chaos between the two of us that has gotten to the point that we are seriously considering divorce,” says Karen.“I see this scenario in my office frequently,” says psychologist Dr. Susan Hickman. “In most instances, the parents of the now adult child didn’t have good boundaries when they were raising their child.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/HowToDealWithMeddlingParents-e1584293972459.jpeg6611400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-17 00:00:002020-12-03 10:44:10How to Deal with Meddling Parents
Just say the word boundaries and watch what happens to people’s faces. Some immediately become suspicious and negative while others believe they are a good thing. Why does this word elicit such opposing responses?“Many people view boundaries as a way to restrain them,” says relationship coach, Dr.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/4StepsForSettingGood-BoundariesFences_In-Relationship.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-16 00:00:002020-12-07 19:25:124 Steps for Setting Good Boundaries
In his book, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, Dr. Gary Chapman tells about the frustration he and his wife felt in the early years of their marriage. At one point, he shares that they went for weeks without cleaning the toilet. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t cleaning the toilet because that was something his mom always did.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/HowToDealWithUnspokenExpectations-emma-frances-logan-358437-1.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-15 06:30:002022-05-10 11:50:16How to Deal With Unspoken Expectations
Giving up on your marriage may not be the best thing if one of you has been unfaithful.
"Life is Short… Have an Affair!" – That's the tagline for Ashley Madison, a website encouraging married people to have an affair. When hackers exposed more than 300,000 people connected to Ashley Madison, the media went crazy.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/GettingPastTheAffairpablo-heimplatz-257545-1-e1584130857272.jpg6861400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-13 00:00:002020-12-17 12:21:54Getting Past the Affair
Perhaps you believe that you or someone you love is addicted to pornography. While the temptation may be great to keep it quiet, there are lots of resources to help with recovery.In her book, An Affair of the Mind, Laurie Hall says that, from her experience and research, there is no easy answer. As the spouse of a porn addict, she learned she had to disengage from trying to fix him and, instead, take care of herself.“You have to build your own personal foundations under you – boundar…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/ResourcesForDealingWithPornAddiction.jpeg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-10-13 00:00:002021-02-17 10:15:05Resources for Dealing with Porn Addiction
Although it has been many years ago, Deanna Brann, clinical psychologist and author of Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law, has no problem recalling "The Thanksgiving from Hell."It was the first Thanksgiving she and her husband spent with her son, new daughter-in-law and granddaughters. Although looking forward to seeing them, Deanna was quite uneasy. Her daughter-in-law was apprehensive, too.
If you have in-laws who seem cross the line a lot, here are some constructive strategies for dealing with them.Don't assume they are intentionally trying to be difficult. In many instances, people think they are being helpful. They don't realize that dropping by unannounced or giving unsolicited marital or parenting advice is not appreciated. Get with your spouse and brainstorm things that your in-laws could do that would be helpful.
Whether it's your first holiday as a married couple or not, it's helpful to have a plan for how you're going to handle the holidays together.Set a specific time to talk about how you want to spend the holidays. Remember that you are on the same team and your spouse is your first priority… not your family.As negotiations proceed, keep in mind that it isn’t your job to please everybody. You may make some decisions that disappoint one family or the other.
Keys to a Healthy Family, Part 2
Miss part 1? Don't worry – you can read it here!It did not take Dr. Chapman long to realize that having an attitude of service toward his wife transformed and actually saved his marriage.
There is Hope for Your Marriage
Margery D. Rosen, author of Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage, a book based on her Ladies’ Home Journal column, Can this Marriage be Saved? interviewed hundreds of couples whose marriages were in distress and appeared hopeless.“The book is a compilation of columns over the years as well as information from social scientists to help couples have hope,” Rosen says.
Changing Family Holiday Traditions
Early in their marriage Susan and Scott* wanted to please both of their families when it came to how they spent time together over the holidays. Her mom wanted them to celebrate Thanksgiving with her. His mom celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, so her mom requested Christmas Day at her house. Despite some angst over changing things up, it worked fairly well until their first child came along.
Technology and Relationships
Have you ever thought about how today’s amazing technological advances affect relationships?There are very few places where you can’t technologically connect in some way. You can place calls whenever and wherever. It’s fairly inexpensive and there are no additional fees.
6 Tips for a “Til Death Do Us Part” Marriage
Have you ever thought or said these words?I just can’t take it anymore… We’ve grown apart… I love you as a friend, but I’m not in love with you anymore… You aren’t the person I married… Things change.The crazy thing is, many happily married people also experience some of these feelings. It's true. Sometimes you feel like you can’t take it anymore.
How You Can Have an Awesome, Amazing, Mind-Blowing Marriage
Do you want an awesome, amazing, mind-blowing marriage?The answer to that question is usually a resounding YES! But, it is quickly followed with something like, “I could only hope for that,” or “Only in my dreams.”“Based on my experience as a counselor, I think a lot of people feel like they are sentenced to a life of boredom when they marry,” says Darlene Karst, counselor, marriage educator and wife. “The reality is that could not be further from the tr…
Sex: From Sparklers to Fireworks in the Bedroom
According to marriage experts, there are probably more fireworks going on outside the bedroom than inside.Data collected from the 2014 General Social Survey indicates that married couples have sex approximately 58 times a year. If you are under 30, however, it’s around 111 times. Approximately 15 percent of married couples haven’t made love with their spouse in the last six months to a year.In a TEDx talk, therapist Michele Weiner-Davis describes this phenomenon as the sex-starved marr…
4 Tips for Handling a Ho-Hum Stage in Marriage
Is your marriage unexciting and dull? Have the feelings you had for each other on your wedding day become a distant memory? Do you ever look at other people and envy the spontaneity and freedom they seem to have?
How Date Night Can Boost Your Relationship
When it comes to romancing your mate for special holidays like Valentine's Day or birthdays, some couples have a head start on the celebration. Why? They've discovered that making regular time for each other is linked to lots of relationship benefits.According to The Date Night Opportunity, a 2012 report released by the National Marriage Project, couples who manage to devote time specifically to one another at least once a week:Are markedly more likely to enjoy high-quality relationships…
How Couples Can Handle Toxic Subjects
If you're married, you've probably had a spirited discussion or two with your spouse. Chances are, it's been about money, sex, jealousy over time spent outside the marriage, in-laws, child rearing or spirituality/faith.“Based on research, we have learned that these are six of the most common toxic subjects for couples,” says Beverly Rodgers, marriage and family therapist and co-author of Soul Healing Love. “These topics cause the greatest amount of conflict in a mar…
Why Date Night Matters
In the early years of marriage, couples usually find it easy to schedule date nights. Once children come along and careers get more intense though, date night takes last place on the list of important things needing attention. Before long, couples find themselves going through the motions of marriage and stuck in a rut when it comes to romance, all the while looking for a cure.Guess what?
Keys to Avoiding Empty Nest Divorce
Why do some couples embrace the empty nest while others end up in divorce court?“There are lots of sides to the empty nest that are complicated,” says psychologist, Dr. Susan Hickman. “Many experience depression, feelings of sadness, anxiety, identity crisis and significant grief.
How to Deal with Meddling Parents
“We love his parents, but they have a way of creating chaos between the two of us that has gotten to the point that we are seriously considering divorce,” says Karen.“I see this scenario in my office frequently,” says psychologist Dr. Susan Hickman. “In most instances, the parents of the now adult child didn’t have good boundaries when they were raising their child.
4 Steps for Setting Good Boundaries
Just say the word boundaries and watch what happens to people’s faces. Some immediately become suspicious and negative while others believe they are a good thing. Why does this word elicit such opposing responses?“Many people view boundaries as a way to restrain them,” says relationship coach, Dr.
How to Deal With Unspoken Expectations
In his book, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, Dr. Gary Chapman tells about the frustration he and his wife felt in the early years of their marriage. At one point, he shares that they went for weeks without cleaning the toilet. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t cleaning the toilet because that was something his mom always did.
Getting Past the Affair
"Life is Short… Have an Affair!" – That's the tagline for Ashley Madison, a website encouraging married people to have an affair. When hackers exposed more than 300,000 people connected to Ashley Madison, the media went crazy.
Resources for Dealing with Porn Addiction
Perhaps you believe that you or someone you love is addicted to pornography. While the temptation may be great to keep it quiet, there are lots of resources to help with recovery.In her book, An Affair of the Mind, Laurie Hall says that, from her experience and research, there is no easy answer. As the spouse of a porn addict, she learned she had to disengage from trying to fix him and, instead, take care of herself.“You have to build your own personal foundations under you – boundar…
Make Holiday Memories, Not Misery
Although it has been many years ago, Deanna Brann, clinical psychologist and author of Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law, has no problem recalling "The Thanksgiving from Hell."It was the first Thanksgiving she and her husband spent with her son, new daughter-in-law and granddaughters. Although looking forward to seeing them, Deanna was quite uneasy. Her daughter-in-law was apprehensive, too.
Dealing with Difficult In-Laws
If you have in-laws who seem cross the line a lot, here are some constructive strategies for dealing with them.Don't assume they are intentionally trying to be difficult. In many instances, people think they are being helpful. They don't realize that dropping by unannounced or giving unsolicited marital or parenting advice is not appreciated. Get with your spouse and brainstorm things that your in-laws could do that would be helpful.
7 Tips for Setting Healthy Holiday Boundaries
Whether it's your first holiday as a married couple or not, it's helpful to have a plan for how you're going to handle the holidays together.Set a specific time to talk about how you want to spend the holidays. Remember that you are on the same team and your spouse is your first priority… not your family.As negotiations proceed, keep in mind that it isn’t your job to please everybody. You may make some decisions that disappoint one family or the other.
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