A passage of time often has a positive effect on problems.
It was a turning point in the fictional marriage of Katie and Ben in the movie The Story of Us, starring Michele Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis. Katie tells Ben that she doesn’t want to end their marriage.“…You always know that I’m a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly,” she says to him. “That’s a dance you perfect over time.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/hannah-busing-Hx9gE3YSHls-unsplash-e1584038644788.jpg7821280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-05-22 00:00:002022-06-24 12:53:35Does Divorce Lead to Happiness?
Does marriage, like a good bottle of wine, really get better over time? That’s the question Dr. Paul Amato and his co-author, Spencer James, set out to answer. Amato serves as the Arnold and Bette Hoffman Emeritus Professor of Family Sociology and Demography at Pennsylvania State University. There’s lots of evidence that many people are…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/john-moeses-bauan-8YVaEljM-9I-unsplash.jpg9291200Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-05-07 06:30:002021-05-16 19:38:41Does Marriage Get Better Over Time?
There's a lot of talk about how to keep our hearts healthy. Eat right, exercise, take one aspirin a day, eat foods low in cholesterol, get plenty of rest, and the list goes on. Just as we have information to help us keep our heart healthy, we can also do certain things to keep relationships “heart healthy.”Today, people are so busy with work, children, extracurricular activities and who knows what else.
Here’s what some couples say are major issues to deal with in marriage, according to a Life Innovations survey of 21,501 married couples from every state. Problems sharing leadership One partner is too stubborn Stress created by child-rearing differences One partner is too negative or critical Feeling responsible for issues One partner wishes the other…
Everyone wants a smokin’ hot marriage, but how can you make it happen? You found your “soul mate,” dated and fell madly in love. Before long you were fantasizing about what your wedding and wedding night would be like. The honeymoon was wonderful, and so were the weeks and months that followed. As you slowly…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/gus-moretta-BCyfpZE3aVE-unsplash-2.jpg8541280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-04-23 00:00:002020-11-06 11:25:09Keys to a Smokin’ Hot Marriage
It was an all-too-familiar conversation. Jody went to see a marriage counselor hoping to receive guidance for getting her marriage back on track. “After seeing the counselor twice, he told us, ‘You have three choices. You can separate for a period of time, file for divorce or keep on working,’” says Jody. “We were looking…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/everton-vila-AsahNlC0VhQ-unsplash-e1584117175776.jpg4951280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-04-16 06:30:002020-11-06 11:56:39How to Select a Marriage Counselor
I cannot tell you how many times something I did or said bothered my wife, and that stayed on her mind all day long. Over and over it plays in her mind… Why did he say that? What was he thinking? He made me feel like this… What he did bothered me because… He must’ve…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/priscilla-du-preez-149915-unsplash-e1584119763372.jpg10072156Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2018-03-29 13:39:082020-11-10 10:54:33Can We Talk About This Later?
I love music. I can’t sing well or play an instrument but I find peace and comfort in songs. My wife and I were headed to Birmingham for Thanksgiving and “Fresh Eyes” by Andy Grammer came on. I had heard this song but never really listened to it. He talks about how his relationship had…
“You don’t really listen to me and my opinion doesn’t really matter. I mean, you’re just gonna do what you want to do anyway,” my wife would say, never looking me in the eye. Of course, every time she said it, I would try to make an adjustment and correct what I thought was the…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Screen-Shot-2018-03-29-at-1.21.44-PM.png892814Reggie Madisonhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngReggie Madison2018-03-29 13:22:542020-11-12 13:04:46The Question That Changed My Marriage
Some couples marry and have lots of time to nurture their relationship before children come along. Other couples marry and bring children into the marriage relationship immediately. Either way, when children enter the picture, the marriage relationship often resembles two ships passing in the night.There is no question that parenting focuses a lot of energy and love toward the children.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/anna-pritchard-Krw4JKbqr8g-unsplash-1.jpg8331250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-03-19 00:00:002022-09-30 11:03:48How to Balance Marriage and Children
After you marry, who should you approach first as your confidant, to ask for an opinion or to work through an issue? Your spouse or your parents? Many couples wrestle with this in the early stages of marriage.One woman shared that she resented her husband of two years going to his mother about everything.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/kelly-sikkema-BfMyadzyfmQ-unsplash-1.jpg8281250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-03-19 00:00:002021-08-04 10:01:554 Tips for Becoming a Team in Marriage
Who handles the money in your home? What kind of debt load do you carry? How often do you argue about spending money?The 2009 State of Our Unions: Marriage in America research conducted by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, focused on money and marriage, including the influence that debt, assets, spending patterns and materialism have on marriage.The findings indicate a strong correlation between consumer debt and marital satisfaction.The study found that money …
Date night may need some serious resuscitation. Redbook magazine found that 45 percent of couples rarely have date nights, while only 18 percent said they go out once a month.This is sad news, since marriage experts say you can keep your marriage strong, healthy and adventuresome by spending regular time together doing something you both enjoy. Couples who intentionally spend time together often marvel at the positive impact it has on their marriage and family.An astonishing 80 percent of marria…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/tim-foster-hRZ5s-IPCWE-unsplash.jpg14332150Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-03-13 00:00:002020-11-12 15:01:07Is Date Night Dead?
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-educated analyst who wants to enable men and women to have healthy, long-lasting marriages."I travel a lot," says Feldhahn. "People frequently ask me what I do, and my usual response is: 'I help women understand men.' The men usually laugh and say, 'You know, we really aren't that complicated.'"Feldhahn's research found that in most cases, relationship problems happen when a husband and wife care deeply for each other and …
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/matthew-hamilton-smLoapMQ9Ec-unsplash.jpg18751250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-03-13 00:00:002020-11-12 15:11:33What Women Need to Know About Men
Marital health has a variety of implications- financial, legal, and… grammatical. Pardon my background as an English teacher, but the grammar of marriage fascinates me. Any marriage counselor will tell you that they pay close attention to the pronouns they hear in the office. The pronouns of marriage have important implications, as well as some…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/brooke-cagle-504489-scaled.jpg13662048John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2018-03-06 14:06:282020-11-12 15:31:07Marital Health and We-ness
It's the one thing most people never get enough of. Many believe it is the key to happiness. People still argue over it, whether they have a lot of it or not enough of it to make ends meet.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sharon-mccutcheon-8a5eJ1-mmQ-unsplash-e1584144163881.jpg5831250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-03-01 00:00:002021-08-25 11:39:21Money and Stress in Marriage
Avoiding behaviors that could create suspicion can help your marriage.
This past year, in the midst of the #metoo campaign, a number of married men were among those accused of sexual misconduct. News of the inappropriate behavior probably created some extremely awkward moments within these marriages and perhaps made others wonder if their spouse is likely to cheat.Dr. Wendy Wang, research director at the Institute for Family Studies, recently released a brief on the subject called Who Cheats More?
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/allef-vinicius-Ct8MUMx5Ms0-unsplash-1-e1597273348798.jpg376450Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2018-01-29 00:00:002022-05-09 14:44:40Who Is More Likely to Cheat?
One year, Jayne Griffin looked at her calendar and realized she didn’t have a free weekend until after January 1st. She was hosting the family Thanksgiving meal and taking her grandbaby to see Santa. Then there was the staff party at her house, her husband’s office party and another Christmas gathering.
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/julia-bonillo-rkfWePm1_iY-unsplash-2-e1584148196631.jpg14251250Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-11-28 00:00:002020-11-13 10:41:025 Tips to Help Your Marriage Survive the Holidays
The top 10 resolutions for each new year are often to: lose weight, get organized, spend less/save more, enjoy life to the fullest, stay fit and healthy, learn something exciting, quit smoking, help others in their dreams, fall in love, and spend more time with family.These are great goals, but studies show that without accountability, your goals will be out the window in a month. But what if you and your spouse made some fun resolutions to build up your relationship?Here are some examples to he…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/ian-schneider-PAykYb-8Er8-unsplash.jpg8551280Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-11-27 00:00:002020-11-13 10:51:3410 Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage
It isn’t unusual for people to make time to attend training to increase their job productivity, improve their golf swing or even enhance their cooking or gardening skills, but when was the last time you took time away to work on your marriage relationship?Imagine getting away for a week with your spouse and a few other couples with no worries about what time it is or who needs to be at what practice. No kids yelling, “Mommy” or bosses calling. No cell phones, computers, or tele…
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Invest-in-Your-Marriage.jpg9001400Julie Baumgardnerhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJulie Baumgardner2017-11-20 00:00:002020-11-13 10:59:36Invest in Your Marriage
Does Divorce Lead to Happiness?
It was a turning point in the fictional marriage of Katie and Ben in the movie The Story of Us, starring Michele Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis. Katie tells Ben that she doesn’t want to end their marriage.“…You always know that I’m a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly,” she says to him. “That’s a dance you perfect over time.
Does Marriage Get Better Over Time?
Does marriage, like a good bottle of wine, really get better over time? That’s the question Dr. Paul Amato and his co-author, Spencer James, set out to answer. Amato serves as the Arnold and Bette Hoffman Emeritus Professor of Family Sociology and Demography at Pennsylvania State University. There’s lots of evidence that many people are…
Characteristics of Heart Healthy Relationships
There's a lot of talk about how to keep our hearts healthy. Eat right, exercise, take one aspirin a day, eat foods low in cholesterol, get plenty of rest, and the list goes on. Just as we have information to help us keep our heart healthy, we can also do certain things to keep relationships “heart healthy.”Today, people are so busy with work, children, extracurricular activities and who knows what else.
Top 10 Potential Marriage Pitfalls
Here’s what some couples say are major issues to deal with in marriage, according to a Life Innovations survey of 21,501 married couples from every state. Problems sharing leadership One partner is too stubborn Stress created by child-rearing differences One partner is too negative or critical Feeling responsible for issues One partner wishes the other…
Keys to a Smokin’ Hot Marriage
Everyone wants a smokin’ hot marriage, but how can you make it happen? You found your “soul mate,” dated and fell madly in love. Before long you were fantasizing about what your wedding and wedding night would be like. The honeymoon was wonderful, and so were the weeks and months that followed. As you slowly…
How to Select a Marriage Counselor
It was an all-too-familiar conversation. Jody went to see a marriage counselor hoping to receive guidance for getting her marriage back on track. “After seeing the counselor twice, he told us, ‘You have three choices. You can separate for a period of time, file for divorce or keep on working,’” says Jody. “We were looking…
Can We Talk About This Later?
I cannot tell you how many times something I did or said bothered my wife, and that stayed on her mind all day long. Over and over it plays in her mind… Why did he say that? What was he thinking? He made me feel like this… What he did bothered me because… He must’ve…
Married with Fresh Eyes
I love music. I can’t sing well or play an instrument but I find peace and comfort in songs. My wife and I were headed to Birmingham for Thanksgiving and “Fresh Eyes” by Andy Grammer came on. I had heard this song but never really listened to it. He talks about how his relationship had…
The Question That Changed My Marriage
“You don’t really listen to me and my opinion doesn’t really matter. I mean, you’re just gonna do what you want to do anyway,” my wife would say, never looking me in the eye. Of course, every time she said it, I would try to make an adjustment and correct what I thought was the…
How to Balance Marriage and Children
Some couples marry and have lots of time to nurture their relationship before children come along. Other couples marry and bring children into the marriage relationship immediately. Either way, when children enter the picture, the marriage relationship often resembles two ships passing in the night.There is no question that parenting focuses a lot of energy and love toward the children.
4 Tips for Becoming a Team in Marriage
After you marry, who should you approach first as your confidant, to ask for an opinion or to work through an issue? Your spouse or your parents? Many couples wrestle with this in the early stages of marriage.One woman shared that she resented her husband of two years going to his mother about everything.
Who Handles the Money?
Who handles the money in your home? What kind of debt load do you carry? How often do you argue about spending money?The 2009 State of Our Unions: Marriage in America research conducted by the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, focused on money and marriage, including the influence that debt, assets, spending patterns and materialism have on marriage.The findings indicate a strong correlation between consumer debt and marital satisfaction.The study found that money …
Is Date Night Dead?
Date night may need some serious resuscitation. Redbook magazine found that 45 percent of couples rarely have date nights, while only 18 percent said they go out once a month.This is sad news, since marriage experts say you can keep your marriage strong, healthy and adventuresome by spending regular time together doing something you both enjoy. Couples who intentionally spend time together often marvel at the positive impact it has on their marriage and family.An astonishing 80 percent of marria…
What Women Need to Know About Men
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-educated analyst who wants to enable men and women to have healthy, long-lasting marriages."I travel a lot," says Feldhahn. "People frequently ask me what I do, and my usual response is: 'I help women understand men.' The men usually laugh and say, 'You know, we really aren't that complicated.'"Feldhahn's research found that in most cases, relationship problems happen when a husband and wife care deeply for each other and …
Marital Health and We-ness
Marital health has a variety of implications- financial, legal, and… grammatical. Pardon my background as an English teacher, but the grammar of marriage fascinates me. Any marriage counselor will tell you that they pay close attention to the pronouns they hear in the office. The pronouns of marriage have important implications, as well as some…
Money and Stress in Marriage
It's the one thing most people never get enough of. Many believe it is the key to happiness. People still argue over it, whether they have a lot of it or not enough of it to make ends meet.
Who Is More Likely to Cheat?
This past year, in the midst of the #metoo campaign, a number of married men were among those accused of sexual misconduct. News of the inappropriate behavior probably created some extremely awkward moments within these marriages and perhaps made others wonder if their spouse is likely to cheat.Dr. Wendy Wang, research director at the Institute for Family Studies, recently released a brief on the subject called Who Cheats More?
5 Tips to Help Your Marriage Survive the Holidays
One year, Jayne Griffin looked at her calendar and realized she didn’t have a free weekend until after January 1st. She was hosting the family Thanksgiving meal and taking her grandbaby to see Santa. Then there was the staff party at her house, her husband’s office party and another Christmas gathering.
10 Resolutions for a Healthy Marriage
The top 10 resolutions for each new year are often to: lose weight, get organized, spend less/save more, enjoy life to the fullest, stay fit and healthy, learn something exciting, quit smoking, help others in their dreams, fall in love, and spend more time with family.These are great goals, but studies show that without accountability, your goals will be out the window in a month. But what if you and your spouse made some fun resolutions to build up your relationship?Here are some examples to he…
Invest in Your Marriage
It isn’t unusual for people to make time to attend training to increase their job productivity, improve their golf swing or even enhance their cooking or gardening skills, but when was the last time you took time away to work on your marriage relationship?Imagine getting away for a week with your spouse and a few other couples with no worries about what time it is or who needs to be at what practice. No kids yelling, “Mommy” or bosses calling. No cell phones, computers, or tele…