There’s nothing worse than being busy around the house and then looking over at your spouse sitting on the couch watching television and futzing around on their phone. What gives? Don’t they see all the scrambling going on around them? Let’s not mince words. Your spouse looks lazy. And they very well may be lazy. If you’re the one taking care of business and working up a sweat, it’s incredibly easy to look at your spouse with bitterness and resentment. So, is your spouse lazy? Or is it something else?
Here are just 3 of a handful of possible answers.
It might be time to:
Have a heart-to-heart about the division of chores around the house.
Learn the difference between laziness and health issues.
Make a distinction between chores and hobby-like projects.
I want to focus on the second and third possibilities. It might not be laziness.
⇨ It might be time to learn the difference between laziness and health issues. Here are some clarifying questions.
Has your spouse always been like this, or is it a recent development? Can you think of an “inciting incident” that hit hard and needs to be handled?
Does your partner complain that too much is being asked of them? Even small requests seem overwhelming?
Is keeping a job an issue?
Has your spouse had a complete physical? Some vitamin & mineral deficiencies leave you lethargic. There could be some significant undiagnosed health issues.
It might be time to make a distinction between chores and hobby-like projects.
CHORES: Things That NEED To Be Done.
You and your spouse should each have chores to help the house run smoothly. Division of labor! This includes cleaning, doing laundry, cooking and cleaning up, taking care of children, keeping up the outside of your home, and maintaining things like the car. This stuff needs to be done.
Divide tasks up fairly. Each of you can hopefully bring your strengths and skills to the table. Beyond that, you both need to balance work with rest and recreation. If one of you does all of the chores or most of them, that’s a problem. The fix is hopefully found in good, honest communication. “I need help. We need to divide the chores up better.”
PROJECTS: Things You LIKE To Do.
Sometimes one spouse likes to rearrange everything in the cabinets. They like to do crafty things like make windowsill herb gardens. They like to reorganize closets and work on the flower bed. These things are hobby-like projects which appeal to their personality and wiring. Like a bolt of lightning, they get struck by, “This room should be blue!”
If the other spouse doesn’t jump to join in, are they lazy?
★ If you came around my house on a Saturday, AFTER THE ACTUAL CHORES ARE FINISHED, who would you think is lazy? My wife, who’s busily reorganizing a closet or me, in the recliner reading? I LOOK lazy. My wife LOOKS productive. The reality is, chores are finished. We both contributed. Now, we’re both doing what we enjoy on a Saturday afternoon.
Sometimes, it’s not as simple as lazy vs. productive. What about just being different?
My wife isn’t bitter with me as she reorganizes the garage (again) while I sit and read. She knows I do my fair share of chores. (She also knows I’ll help if she asks me to.) Not only is my wife not filling up with resentment, but I don’t feel one bit of guilt for reading in the recliner. Remember, the chores are done. Now, we’re both doing what we enjoy.
You might be tempted to think your spouse is lazy. (And maybe they are.) But don’t make these fundamental mistakes.
Some people aren’t lazy, but they appear lazy because of underlying health or mental health issues. On the other hand, some people find redecorating, reorganizing, rearranging, and redoing things around the house “fun.” They are task-oriented, job-driven people. Other people aren’t wired that way. Different isn’t automatically lazy. It might just be different. If your spouse helps significantly with the kids and the chores, don’t hold their lack of interest in the “side-jobs” you want them to join you in against them.
***If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. At this link, you can access a private chat with someone who can help you 24/7. If you fear someone is monitoring your computer or device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. For a clear understanding of what defines an abusive relationship, click here.***
https://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/drew-coffman-DzIt-fTYv4E-unsplash-scaled-e1600992542272.jpg225600John Daumhttps://firstthings.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/ftf-logo-300x186.pngJohn Daum2020-09-24 20:09:432021-04-19 11:35:14Is Your Spouse Lazy? Or Is It Something Else?