Many parents might be shocked at the findings from a recent survey of teens and young adults commissioned by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com on sex and technology.

Here are some of the key findings from the survey of 1,280 young people:

Twenty percent of teens surveyed said they have sent/posted nude or semi-nude pictures or videos of themselves.
Thirty-nine percent of teens say they are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages.

When asked who they are sending the sexually suggestive messages to, 71 percent of teen girls/67 percent of teen guys say they have sent the content to boyfriends/girlfriends, others say they are sending the material to those they want to hook up with or to someone they only know online.

Young people are seeing and hearing about sex everywhere.  Before you think, “No, not my child,” you might want to check the content on your teen’s phone.

In many instances parents are throwing up their hands and buying into the lie that there is really nothing they can do about all these sexual messages.  However, research indicates that 45 percent of teens said their parents influenced their decisions about sex most strongly.  The key protective factor for teens is how strongly he/she feels connected to his or her parents.

For the month of May, First Things First along with Why Know Abstinence Program* and the Moccasin Bend Girl Scouts are partnering with The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy to encourage teens and parents to engage in an ongoing conversation about teen pregnancy prevention.  The message is straightforward- sex has consequences including legal consequences. This includes the sexual content and messages teens are putting out there in cyberspace.

Whether you have been having an ongoing conversation with your teen on this topic or you are preparing to begin the conversation, here are some topics your teen is probably thinking about, but may not know how to bring up for discussion: 
First and foremost — you matter more than you know.  Regardless of what you may think, your influence has not lost out to peers and popular culture.

Remember, it matters what you do, not just what you say.  Actions do speak louder than words.  Keep in mind that as you talk about real life, sex, and relationships you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. 

Am I ready for a relationship?  When your teen meets someone new, the mantra should be: Friends first, dating and relationships later (if at all).

Tell your sons and daughters that if they are friendly with someone and are considering moving up the relationship ladder, they should ask themselves these questions:

• Do you respect each other?
• Are you honest with each other?
• Do you communicate well with each other?
• Do you have friends in common?
• Do your key friends like and trust this person?
• Do you have shared interests?

Answering these questions honestly can go a long way to helping young people decide whether their potential partner is relationship-worthy.

Am I in love?  A very common question from teens is: "How can I tell I'm in love?" The key here is to help them understand what they're feeling and to help them make good, responsible decisions. Parents have a wonderful opportunity to share knowledge and guide your child — don't put them on the defensive by dismissing their feelings.

The success sequence.  Research makes clear that young people who finish high school (or, better still, get a college degree), wait until their twenties to marry, and have children after they marry are much more likely to achieve their life goals than those who do not follow this sequence. Teach your children about this "success sequence" and make clear to them that education is a priority in your home.

Caution your teens about being in relationships with older partners.  The power differences among teens and those even three years older often can lead to risky and unforeseen situations, like unwanted sex. 

Research has shown that, among 14-year-olds, 30% of girls and 73% of boys whose oldest “serious boyfriend or girlfriend” was two or more years older were sexually experienced, compared to 13% of girls and 29% of boys whose oldest partner was no more than one year older.   Although your freshman daughter may be thrilled that a senior asked her out, it might be in her best interest if you put the brakes on things.

How to deal with pressure. Lots of teens say that they feel pressure in their relationships to have sex. In fact, many think that having sex is the price of entry for a relationship or the thing that will keep a relationship together. As adults, we know that this is both untrue and even worse, extremely unhealthy thinking.  Your advice should be direct: If sex is the price of a relationship, find someone else.

Be respectful and talk honestly about relationships.  One of teens’ consistent gripes over the years is that parents don’t take teen relationships seriously. 

Over and over again teens have told us that they want parents to know that just because they are young doesn’t mean that they can’t fall in love.  They want parents to know that the feelings they have are very real to them.  Let them know that you hear them and that you are respectful of the feelings they have.  At the same time, don’t be shy about telling them what you think and why you think the way you do.  Remember though, it should be a conversation, not a lecture.

Remember, it's not just what's safe, it's what's right.  Teen relationships often involve sex. 

Help young people understand that in addition to the potential physical consequences of sex—pregnancy or contracting a sexually transmitted infection - they should carefully consider the potential emotional consequences of sexual activity.  Be worried about pregnancy for sure, but also be mindful of your heart.  Let your teen sons and daughters know that six in ten sexually experienced teens say they wish they had waited until they were older to have sex.  Also reiterate to them that just because they've said ‘yes’ before, doesn’t mean they can’t say ‘no’ now.

Let them know that you are on call 24/7.

While teens often come across as knowledgeable about a topic, there is only so much information they can know at this point in their lives.  Helping them determine values, goals and  a vision for the future is one of the best things parents can do to assist them in navigating adolescent relationships.