Nicholas Jackson is a Junior in high school. He is respectful, funny, and quite insightful when it comes to dealing with being a teenager in this day and age.
“I believe things are different than they were when my parents were growing up,” said Mr. Jackson. “My friends and I are dealing with a culture that encourages casual sex, selfishness and disrespect in general.”
With the popularity of rappers, girls thinking it is cool to date a thug or “gangsta,” seductive clothing and sagging, one might draw the conclusion that this is what teens think about most of the time and what makes them happy. According to an Associated Press and MTV survey conducted with 1,280 teens ages 13-24 that could not be further from the truth.
When asked the question “What makes you happy?” sex, dating, clothing and money were not at the top of the list. Spending time with family was at the top for 20 percent of those surveyed. Spending time with friends and spending time with a significant other came in second and third place. Nearly three-quarters of those surveyed said their relationship with their parents makes them happy.
“Even though my parents make me crazy sometimes, I understand that they have my best interest at heart,” said Mr. Jackson. “My father was raised by his grandmother. She did a great job raising him, but I think he is committed to making sure he and my mother are very involved in my life. They want me to be successful and they understand that means being there for me, setting limits – even though I don’t necessarily agree with the limits all of the time – stressing the importance of my education and learning what it means to be responsible. The fact that they care makes me happy.”
When asked about his priorities in life, Mr. Jackson shared that God and church come first, followed by school and family time. He also enjoys music and sports and runs on the cross country team and plays basketball at his school. According to the AP/MTV survey, close to half of teens say religion and spirituality are very important and it is that influence over things that makes them happy.
“Being a teen today is challenging,” said Mr. Jackson. “I have many friends. Some of them share my values and others don’t. I think it is important to have lots of different types of friends, but you also have to know yourself and what you believe in so you don’t let the wrong people influence you. I wish more parents were really involved in the lives of their kids.
“I have friends who stay out until 3 in the morning or text their friends all night long and fall asleep in school the next day and then get mad at somebody else when they don’t do well in school. I think their parents really don’t care about them or don’t have a clue what is going on in their life. If they did, they would set limits and they wouldn’t back down when their kids pitch a fit, claim they don’t love them or that they are mean. Those are all tactics to try and test our parents. I think it boils down to mutual respect in the home. If teens are allowed to disrespect their parents and their rules they will think it is okay to be disrespectful to others.”
Mr. Jackson admits there is a lot of stress associated with being a teen.
“Everybody wants to be cool,” said Mr. Jackson. “I asked a girl to go out with me a while back and she told me no because I wasn’t a “bad boy” or a thug. That makes no sense to me. Why would girls want to date someone who listens to music that is degrading to them (women)? And why would they want to be around someone who is only interested in them to see what they can get? I don’t think that is where most people find real happiness.”
Fashion is another top of mind topic for many teens.
“A lot of girls don’t understand what they are doing when they wear clothing that is very revealing,” said Mr. Jackson. “They think they are cute and sexy, but when a girl sits with her legs wide open or shows a lot of cleavage, she is sending the message to guys – even the nice guys - that she is easy. A lot of them get mad when a guy says something, but the truth is, if you don’t want people to think that way about you, don’t dress in a way that suggests you might do something you aren’t interested in doing.”
Mr. Jackson believes that many teens whose parents are not actively involved in their lives, take their cues from rappers, popular musicians and movie stars or sports figures when it comes to dress and behavior. For example, a lot of guys think it is cool to sag.
“What they don’t know is that sagging was started in jail as a way for guys to let other guys know they are available,” said Mr. Jackson. “Some teens twist it and say it is just the style. A lot of parents think that their teen wants to establish their independence. In my opinion, you can only let that go so far. Certain fashions and behaviors send messages that teens often aren’t aware they are sending. When guys wear their pants that way it is disrespectful to girls.”
From school and dating to fashion and lessons about life, teens clearly want and need their parents involved in their lives. Involvement requires time and energy. Are you an involved parent or one who sits on the sidelines?
