Parenting is one big balancing act. We want our children to have a sense of wonder, possibility and excitement about the future, but we also want them to understand the risks they face, and the dangers that are out there today. But we want to do it without scaring our children to death.

Most of us have talked to our children about what to do when confronted by a bully, or how to be safe at school. When they get a driver's license, we don't hesitate to share our thoughts about safe driving.

Unfortunately, many of us hesitate to talk with them about one of the most important areas: equipping our children for positive, loving relationships. Let's face it. Many of us feel more insecure about this than any other child rearing task. For many parents today, the task is even more challenging if they were sexually active before marriage.

Unfortunately, the stakes for our children have never been higher. Our children's future health and happiness depends on our willingness to talk openly and honestly with them about this most sensitive issue.


Consider these facts:

· 58 percent of Hamilton County students in grades 9 through 12 said they had already had sexual intercourse at least once;

· 39 percent said they had had intercourse in the last three months;

· 22 percent said they had had four or more sexual partners.

A stunning 22 percent of our students have had sex with four or more partners. In fact, a person who has had sex with four different people, who have each had sex with four different people, has been exposed to 15 different people…and their diseases. With five partners, a person is exposed to 31 different people; and with six, 63. The number soars geometrically, so a person who has had 12 partners could be exposed to as many as 4,095 different people…and their diseases.

That simple mathematic fact is even more disturbing when you consider that the prevalence of sexually transmitted diseases has grown steadily and substantially over the last 25 years.
Consider:

· More diseases today. Today there are least 25 significant STDs, eight which have been identified since 1980 (Medical Institute for Sexual Health)

· Teens are more vulnerable than adults. More teens have chlamydia than any other age group. Chlamydia is usually symptomless and often leads to infertility.

· More prevalent diseases are incurable. Some STDs - including AIDS, HPV (Human Papilloma Virus), and Herpes - are incurable. HPV causes more than 90 percent of all invasive cervical cancers, and condoms do not prevent HPV. The Centers for Disease Control estimate that 45 million Americans have HPV. The CDC also estimated that 1 in 5 of Americans over the age of 11 carries the Herpes virus.

If you still think you can put off talking to your children, consider that 13 percent of these Hamilton County teens said they had sexual intercourse for the first time before age 13.

Perhaps even more important than the threat to a young person's health is the threat to their heart. Young people often become sexually active because they are searching for love, acceptance, and security. All too often, they find rejection, heartache, and more loneliness.

Begin a series of conversations about their likes, dislikes, interests, and about your values, dreams, and ideals.


1. Learn. You've taken the first step by coming to this website. First Things First works with other community organizations to help parents learn how to talk to their children about sex and to provide accurate information to teens. Call the resource organizations listed on the website, use the website, and do your homework.


2. Discern. As you share your values and beliefs with your children, learn to discern about the movies, music, and magazines they like. Evaluate websites they may be visiting - especially those relating to sexuality issues. Help your child learn to critique the messages they see and hear. Discernment is key.


3. Act. Believe it or not, teens want to know what adults think. Even if they don't act like it. An MTV poll - not exactly the most family-friendly source - found that teens ranked their parents as their #1 heroes. Parenting should be a lifelong dialogue between parent and child. Agree on dating rules, and stick to them.


4. Love. Ultimately, it is all about love. Your child needs to feel loved, respected, and hopeful about the future. Share your values, your ideals, your hopes. Most of all, let your children know you will always love them, even when you don't love their behavior.