You have been the cook, taxi driver, maid/butler, logistics director, and homework manager. Now that your teen is old enough to drive and approaching young adulthood you are looking forward to a less stressful time.
“This is a time when parents want to start preparing themselves for the transitions our teens are making in life,” said Perry Storey, Principal at Notre Dame High School.
“One thing we as parents have to be cautious about is giving our teens too much freedom too quickly. Instead of setting them up for success we put them at great risk. Although young people’s words and actions often send the message that they don’t want or need their parents involved anymore, the truth is, this is the time when parents should be involved. It is unrealistic to believe that a 14 or 15-year-old can manage their life without guidance from their parents.”
Statistics from the recently released Youth Risk Behavior Survey validate this point. Of the almost 3,000 adolescents surveyed, 56 percent were participating in at least one of the four key risk behaviors (alcohol, tobacco, sexual intercourse or marijuana). Many teens are making decisions about participating in these risky behaviors without considering the potential consequences. Most parents agree that safety for their children is a top priority, yet they struggle with how to set limits while also encouraging independence.
“When our children were younger we would not think of sending them to a party without knowing where they were going, who the parents were, who would be at the party and what time the party was over,” said Mr. Storey. “We need to know that same information now. Both my 15 and 17-year-old know that if the place they are going is no problem then there is no problem with me following up with the parents.”
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers, but there are some things parents can do to help make the transition a bit smoother. Mr. Storey gives these suggestions to parents:
• Remain actively engaged in the life of your child. Get to know their teachers, their friends and their friend’s parents.
• Think ahead – set up parameters and guidelines and communicate them clearly to your teen.
• Make changes at the appropriate place and time. Just because everybody else is doing it is not justification for your child to do it if he/she is not ready for the additional responsibility. You don’t take your baby off milk and immediately feed your baby steak. Just as it is a gradual process to move from liquid to solids it is a process to move from dependence to independence.
• Don’t be intimidated by the rolling eyes – keep asking the questions and sharing accurate information.
• Parents need to be networked with other parents.
• Recognize that safety is a very real issue for them. We all know the saying “If you play with fire you will get burned.” We have to teach our teens to be cautious and conscientious.
Most parents set boundaries and expectations for their children out of love. It is inevitable that there will be times when you and your teen disagree as you try and navigate the transition from teen to young adulthood. However, you stand a much better chance of coming out alive (both of you) if you make a plan and stick to it.
