“I’m tired of going to conferences where we tell young people all the things they should not do - don’t do drugs, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t have sex, don’t drop out of school,” said Charles Lee Johnson, from the National Family Life Education Center.  “Our young people need something they can say yes to instead of always focusing on what they shouldn’t do.”
  According to Johnson, there are many things young people can say yes to that will impact their life and the lives of others in a positive way, for example, they can say yes to believing they can accomplish something in their lifetime.  Yes to their future and a successful career.  Yes to the ability to conquer fears and control their desires and yes to the ideal of being able to find a suitable person to marry.
    Johnson believes that more young people need parents who are willing to set  clear standards to live up to rather than send ambiguous messages such as “wait until you are older to do that.”
    “A person’s practice often falls beneath their principle,” said Mr. Johnson.  “Which means we need to set high standards for our young people and equip them with the skills to successfully accomplish them.”
A good example of this is when parents tell their children if they are going to have sex to practice “safe sex.” Many times young people interpret that as permission to have sex and the thought never crosses their mind about what safe means.  If parents tell their children to abstain from sex until marriage, these young people will learn how valuable they are.  They have something to strive for that is to their benefit. 
“To tell your children to have safe sex devalues their potential and can send the message that parents don’t believe their children have the ability to practice self-control,” said Johnson.
Johnson encourages parents to start this process when children are young.
“Young people need to understand that life is hard and it is not fair,” said Mr. Johnson.  “To help paint that picture, parents need to share stories about successes and failures.  Real life challenges that you faced and what you learned from it.  Young people need to understand that their parents didn’t start out with everything they have now.  Teaching a strong work ethic is a big part of setting standards for your children.”
Other important ways that parents set standards for young people include:
Acknowledging the fact that you are the parent – Children do not need their parents to be their buddy.  They need parents who will: set limits for them and stand their ground; hold them accountable and help them take responsibility for their actions; encourage them through those difficult times when they want to give up and love them unconditionally.
Family rituals – Rituals provide consistency and security.  They are something children can count on such as sharing a meal together everyday, specific bedtimes, family nights and family celebrations such as birthdays and accomplishments.
“Parents who provide positive examples, set high standards and give affirmation and encouragement help today’s teenagers maintain a positive outlook on life,” said Mr. Johnson.  “Instead of focusing on all of the things they can’t and shouldn’t do they can spend their time working toward attainable goals and the rewards they will receive from making the right choices.”