There is tremendous pressure in the teen world to be “cool.”  As adults, we know how difficult it is to stand up against the teen culture.  Parents need to give their teen ammunition to deal with peer pressure. Talk with them about the difference between being in love and having raging hormones.

This is an especially important conversation between fathers and daughters. Fathers need to tell their daughters they love them frequently.  Tell your daughter how beautiful she is so when the first guy comes along and says “I love you and you look beautiful,” that isn’t the first time she has heard those words.  Warn her about the ‘lines’ that have been used down through the ages such as, “If you loved me you would,”  “You’re not cool if you don’t,” “Trust me,” and “Everybody’s doing it.”

 Explore options for ‘comeback phrases’ if and when they get the ‘line,’ such as, “If you really loved me you wouldn’t ask me to,” or “It takes more guts to hold out than to give in,” and “If you were a real friend you wouldn’t say something like that.” 

While girls are probably talked to more than boys about these issues, parents cannot overlook the importance of talking with their sons.  Many young men who hit puberty feel very embarrassed about this, but this should not stop dads from talking with their sons about normal development.  Young men need to understand that when a girl is born she has all the eggs she is going to have, but boys do not start producing sperm until puberty. Every 72 hours a new batch of sperm is made.  Sometimes the factory fills to overflowing and boys will have nocturnal emissions.  It is important that they know this is normal.

Benefits of Abstinence

• Explore reasons why waiting until marriage to have sex is a good idea.  Many young people have shared that “Just say no” doesn’t get it.  They need to understand the benefits of being abstinent.
• Don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.
• Don’t have to worry that you are being pursued for sexual reasons.
• There is a greater chance of marital satisfaction and faithfulness.
• You won’t have to worry about comparing your mate to your other partners.
• You never have to worry about being pregnant or getting someone pregnant.
• You have the opportunity to develop more depth in the relationship instead of your relationship revolving around sex.
• You can focus on your plans for the future.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

  Parents need to learn about sexually transmitted diseases and educate your children about them.  Today there are at least 25 significant STDs, eight of which have been identified since 1980.  Many appear to have no symptoms in the beginning and can lead to significant health problems later in life.  According to the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, 15.3 million Americans are newly infected with an STD each year, including 3 million teens.  The Centers for Disease Control states that adolescents and young adults (15-24) are the groups at greatest risk for acquiring an STD because:

• They may have less immunity than adults
• They may be more likely to have multiple sex partners
• They may be more likely to engage in unprotected intercourse
• They may select partners at higher risk

Postponing sexual activity until marriage with an uninfected mate is the only way for teens to be 100 percent confident of avoiding an STD infection.

Judging a Book By Its Cover

Young people without a lot of critical thinking skills may assume that if they dress like Britney Spears and others they will be more likely to get a date.  This is bothersome because we have become increasingly aware of how little teen girls understand about the way men are wired.  When speaking to a class on dating and relationships, we told the teen girls that they can spend hours working on their hair and face, but if they walk out the door wearing low hip huggers and a bare midriff it would take most guys a while before they ever see their face or hair.  At that point, a young woman told us that she should be able to dress however she chooses.  She is not going to let a guy keep her from expressing her individuality through her dress.

   In a world where girls are vying for attention by dressing a certain way, it appears that they are sabotaging the possibility of satisfying their deep need for affection and affirmation.  What many girls perceive as a way to get attention may be cute to their friends, but is not always as appealing to the guys.

Some people need to learn how to make the distinction between entertainment dress and reality dress.  Hollywood people dress a certain way because it makes money.  We tell girls all the time if it isn’t for sale, take the sign down.

Before your daughter walks out the door you might ask her to consider these questions:

• Is my dress code getting me the kind of attention that I want?
• If everybody’s dressing this way, what makes me so outstanding?
• What qualities am I really looking for in a guy, and does my dress code attract that kind of guy?
• What first impressions do people make about me based on the way I dress?
• How much can a guy tell about who I really am based on the way I dress?

It is unfair to assume that just because a girl wears revealing clothing that she is trying to send a certain message.

There are many young ladies who have innocently fallen into a habit of following the fashion of the day.  However, it must be noted that it is difficult to tell whether the message that is sent is intentional or not.  Care should be taken that the outcomes you want are voiced in the clothes you wear.