When the school called the Goldberg’s and asked them to come in for a conference regarding one of their sons all kinds of things ran through their mind. Not turning in homework on time was probably the last thing they expected to hear as the issue at hand.
“After the school conference we tested him and went through all kinds of processes to make sure we had him in the right school and in the right environment to do his best work,” said Mrs. Goldberg, author of The Organized Student: Teaching Students Skills for Success for School and Beyond. “We determined we did have him in the right place. Our son kept telling us that we didn’t need to do the testing, but we assured him we did. The following year, on his own, he made a goal that he would turn in all homework on time and would not ask for any extensions on anything. At the end of the year he told us what his goal had been and he was very proud of himself for accomplishing it.”
This experience with her son started Mrs. Goldberg on the path to writing her book and spending the last 17 years working with students to help them master organizational skills.
“We teach children to tell time, but we don’t teach them how to manage it,” said Mrs. Goldberg. “When I started this work planners weren’t required in schools. Now they are required, but few students know how to use them as a tool to help them accomplish their goals for the year.”
Encouraging your teen to start out the school year with some goals may be one of the best things you can do to help them do well in the classroom as well as in life in general. Whether the goal is making the football team, turning in homework on time or being on time for school, learning how to organize is foundational to the success of each of these goals.
“Just because parents are organized does not mean their children will be organized,” said Mrs. Goldberg. “In many instances I see parents who expect their children to learn organizational skills just by watching. Just modeling a particular behavior does not ensure that teens are learning it. We have to break it down for them step by step. In the process of breaking it down, parents need to remember that just because a certain way of doing things works for them it does not mean that same system will work for their teen.”
Mrs. Goldberg believes there are six steps to helping teens get organized:
- Work to establish trust with your teen – Your teen probably isn’t supposed to go rummaging through your purse or briefcase without your permission. Instead of just going through their backpack, ask them to go through it with you.
- Recognize any success no matter how small it is – Just because you tell your teen that he is going to get organized does not mean he isn’t going to forget something. This is about having a system in place, allowing it to fall apart, and starting again from the place you left off.
- Don’t bite off more than your teen can chew – Some teens can work on an entire organizational system at one time while others need to take it slowly.
- Take the academic component out of the equation – If the goal is to turn in work on time and in spite of that your teen made a terrible grade on the test, your focus should be on the fact that progress was made in turning in homework on time. This does not mean you can’t discuss the grade – just not at the same time. Deal with them as two separate issues.
- Make sure everybody knows this is a process – Getting organized is not an event, it is a process that takes practice. There will be missteps along the way. As you consistently work the process, teens begin to internalize the system.
- Keep everything in perspective and remain positive – Keep the focus on organization and remember that some great achievements may not show up on the report card.
“I think many parents do not understand how difficult it is to be a student today,” said Mrs. Goldberg. “Teens are inundated with information from the time they get up to the time they go to bed. It is very difficult to be organized when you are constantly transitioning. For example, a child who is doing his homework on the computer and intermittently instant messaging and texting his friends can’t focus on what he is doing because he is constantly transitioning from one thing to another.”
If you are a frustrated and tired parent, keep this in mind- it is rare that a teen actually gets up thinking about how disorganized he can be. When a child struggles with organization, the goal is to try different ways to help your child problem-solve the situation. When push comes to shove, most teens can come up with some excellent ideas. Yes, it does take time and energy, but remember, you are teaching your teen skills that will work for him throughout his life.
