Most fathers will relate to the episode of The Cosby Show where Cliff Huxtable pulls out a trunk filled with all of the Father’s Day gifts his children have given him over the years. Ties that don’t match any of his suits, a belt with a holster and toy gun, and suspenders that light up were just a few of the treasures found in the box. Although Cliff spends the entire episode talking about wanting gifts he can use, by the end of the show it is obvious that the greatest gifts he has are his children and his relationship with them.

There are probably many fathers out there that share Cliff’s sentiments about Father’s Day and gifts. The truth is, it really isn’t about the gifts. Father’s Day is about celebrating a father’s relationship with his children.
Will Conner, a local 15 year-old, spent time this week reflecting on his relationship with the two most important men in his life – his father, Joe Conner and his grandfather, Jack Conner.

“When I was little I would go up to my granddaddy’s house and we would build designs out of wood,” said Will. “Although these designs might not seem significant to anyone else, to us they were the brick and mortar upon which our relationship was built.”

Will has many fond memories of his grandfather including the Christmas that he built a bookcase for Will and filled it with a collection of Hardy Boys books.

“I knew that my grandfather loved me and was proud of me,” said Will. “After a three day visit to his house to help him with some work, my grandfather told my mother that I was one of the hardest working guys he had ever known. Even though we didn’t talk about issues, we had the kind of bond where I knew that if I needed to talk about something he was there for me.”

Will’s grandfather died this past year. In the process of dealing with his death, Will learned something that many people don’t recognize until it is too late.

“I knew we had a special relationship, but I also believe that you don’t really know what you have until you don’t have it anymore. I think my relationship with my grandfather has a lot to do with the person I am today.”
While sharing memories of his grandfather, Will recalled the day of his funeral. There were lots of people at the house and he just wanted some time alone.

“I remember going outside to sit on the porch and be quiet,” said Will. “My dad came outside and started talking about my granddaddy. He said he was trying to raise me like his daddy raised him. Learning from mistakes and giving guidance, while giving me enough room to make decisions and learn and grow.”

Will and his dad have spent a lot of time together at swim meets, working on school projects and doing fun things together like learning how to kiteboard. Will believes that the time spent with his father has helped him to be more assured of himself and self-confident. He understands what his dad expects from him and where he draws the line. Will says that he respects him enough that he would not cross that line. He also appreciates his dad’s sense of humor, which has taught him not to take life too seriously.

“We share the same sense of humor,” said Will. “There is nothing more fun than getting my mother going about something and then she finally figures out that we’re just kidding. I love to write. My father taught me how to do that. I can remember in the first grade I had to write a book over the Christmas break. My dad helped me complete that project. He also taught me how to stand up and speak in front of people. I have won several speech contests because he took the time to work with me.”

Will has hit on one of the essential ingredients that experts agree makes a difference in the life of a child and that is the time that a father spends with his children and the wisdom that is imparted through day to day interactions.

“My dad and I work out in the yard together. My brother hates yard work, but what he doesn’t understand is that it isn’t just about working in the yard. It is about spending time with my dad. He has shown me how to do lots of things and I have been able to relate those things to my everyday life.”

Today, all of us have an opportunity to recognize what a gift the father-child relationship can be. If you are a father and have been meaning to spend more time with your children, don’t put it off until tomorrow. If you are in a position to become a father figure to a youngster take the initiative to do so. If you still have the opportunity to build a relationship with your dad, don’t take that for granted because, as Will has learned, we often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone.