…do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro social behavior and avoid high risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy and criminal activity;
…be less susceptible to peer pressure, more competent, more self-protective, more self-reliant and ambitious;
… demonstrate a greater ability to take initiative and evidence self-control?
Research has shown that the presence and involvement of a father can help child to accomplish all the above and more. One might think that just knowing how much of a difference they can make in their child’s life would make fathers think twice about how much time they spend away from their children. However, for some men this information poses a real dilemma.
“I’ve spoken with hundreds of men who were provoked and embittered by hostile and uncaring fathers,” said Dr. Ken Canfield, author of They Call Me Dad. “Now that they are fathers, many of those negative memories and heated emotions may have come flooding back leaving them unprepared to relate responsibly to their own kids.”
In addition, many men have grown up with the understanding that as long as they bring home a paycheck that playing golf on weekends or going to have a drink with friends before coming home from work is totally appropriate.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself this question, “Is what I am doing now going to produce the kind of relationship I want with my child?”
You are probably working to make life better for your family in the future, but stop and consider if the time you spend at work trying to make this life a reality is costing you more than you think.
While many men probably feel they have earned the right to play that golf game or to go out with the fellas, wonder how your children would respond to this. They may feel that they have earned the right to have you all to themselves for the evening or day.
Spending time with your children doesn’t have to be complicated or cost a lot of money. Simple things like:
- Breaking out the Monopoly or Yatzee game;
- Taking a hike or riding bikes together;
- Going fishing;
- Teaching your child how to wash a car and making sure everybody gets wet in the process;
- Cooking a meal for mom; or
- Letting your child/children pick an activity they consider fun and just do it are all ways to create a special bond with your child.
Instead of telling your children you will spend time with them tomorrow, spend time with them today. You will be glad you did.
