A colleague reminded me the other day that his mother, Sergeant Doris Phipps who spent 28 years in the United States Military (including two tours in the Persian Gulf) liked to say "You bleed in training, so you don't have to bleed in combat."
It seems to me that a lot of our kids are “bleeding” more and more in grown-up world combat rather than in training under the direction and supervision of parents. During a recent Boot Camp for New Dads class, Larry from Hixson, TN proudly talked about his kid scars and how he got them.
A scar on his chin came from an ill-fated bike jump. The slight limp he has came from a sledding accident. Through all the scars and mischief, Larry and all the other guys in the room have made it this far and are now getting ready to raise a child of their own. But as they talked out their anxieties of impending fatherhood, there was a common concern that plagued both new and veteran dads.
That is knowing how and when to allow your kids to “bleed in training” as they grow into adulthood.
To better understand this, take a look at how we raise our children today as opposed to how kids were raised in the past. Before urbanization, kids where first viewed as assets who could help run the family farm, sole a pair of shoes, sew a dress or in extreme cases, work in the mines. From there they entered into “protective status” where time was better spent playing house rather than cleaning a house.
Today, the experts warn against a generation of “managed” children, meaning we make their beds and their decisions for them and consequences are rarely understood. If a child “bleeds” today in the form of bad grades, an unwise purchase or an argument with a friend, we tend to dismiss the teacher, return the product and forbid the friend for them instead of letting them learn first-hand from these experiences.
I guess the take away from this is that parents shouldn’t be so quick to intrude on life’s teachable moments. Don’t get me wrong-- discipline and supervision are crucial when raising kids. But it’s also important that we as parents allow our kids to go through these training days of cleaning their room, breakups with friends and lost privileges so they don’t get blindsided as soon as they leave the nest. Let the kids “bleed” a little now in the comfort and safety of your home rather than later in what can sometimes be a pretty tough grown up world.
