First Things First: Is the “Service Engine” light on?

A mechanic once told me “if you have an orange light that comes on, you’ve got some time. But if it’s a red light, you better get to a garage as soon as possible so you can get it worked on.”

My car is like my relationships. I’m going to drive each as long as possible and invariably there are going to be some “service engine lights” that are either orange or red.

With our kids, we need to be aware of those oranges and reds and what they mean. It’s tempting sometimes to hope the light will just go off on its own. Chances are, however, we dads need to spend some time diagnosing the problem and then working on it.

Happily, we dads have several manuals and expert “mechanics” like Dr. Kevin Leman, John Rosemond and Dr. James Dobson who have written extensively on how dads can fix those orange and red lights. Then there are organizations like First Things First that can help with resources and man hours.

Warning signs that need your attention

Serious negativity about school, childcare, certain friends, church, team-related activities, or clubs can be a sign that something is wrong with a relationship. While most kids may show some level of negativity about going to school, adamant complaints could be an indication of bullying, harassment, fear for safety or something else.

Obsessing about their weight and self image can again be a sign of harassment or a feeling of worthlessness. As kids become teenagers, any school counselor can tell you that they also become adept at picking out a feature of a classmate and attacking it.

Secrets are a part of life; we all have them and your children will, too. Activating unknown emails, locking bedroom doors, or not becoming friends on Facebook, however, are troubling signs that your kids may be struggling. As the parent it is your job to keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to the warning signs . . . even if your child rolls their eyes, gives you the heavy sigh routine and tells you to get out of their life. Don’t be fooled. Many times the warning signs are a cry for help—it’s just really not cool to ask when you’re a teen.