On a recent business trip to Cincinnati, I met a man in his mid 40's in the exercise room who laid out a scary, but familiar story. After 21 years of marriage, three kids, two houses and an active church life, his wife surprised him with the announcement that she was ready for or in need of change.
No warning signs--just a need for change. Normally when you hear of these things, you think maybe the guy just missed the warning signs. This conversation, however, has a familiar tone and the only warning sign seems to be that the wife was in her 40's, upset at how her life was turning out and that her friends were all divorced, getting divorced or wanting a divorce.
Statistically speaking, women initiate two-thirds of all divorces in the United States. Simply and not statistically speaking, that's more than men.
At First Things First, this is what we know to be true about divorce- it’s a “lose, lose, lose” proposition. Believe it or not, men suffer emotionally due to the lack of a supportive and understanding network of friends. Women are more likely to experience the financial burden of going it alone. But kids are worse off academically, physically and emotionally. In short, the grass is rarely greener on the other side.
Our lives are all susceptible to the environment in which we live. And when that environment includes friends, co-workers, television shows and classmates from school who accept divorce, drugs, sex and violence as part of the package, then you need to change the environment.
Whether you're a new dad or a newly-wed husband, I think it's totally necessary for you to check in every now and then on those family relationships and evaluate the environment in which you, your wife and kids live. If your address could be the infamous Wisteria Lane on "Desperate Housewives", then do something about it. One person doing things differently can change a relationship for the better.
- First 5 Minutes
There are four connecting points during the day. Waking up, leaving the house, returning home, and going to bed. In a hectic family, the easiest one to get back is coming home. Your first five minutes through that door should be reserved for your wife. Quite often you’ll find that this first five minutes can also impact the last connecting point of the day. - Less is More
A dozen roses once a year is not better than a rose once every two months. Big dates every now and then are not better than regular Friday afternoon coffee’s with each other. Get the idea? - Scrap the Agenda
Weeks of planning for that rare night “out on the town” can be fun to plan and do but don’t discount the power of trips back and forth to the grocery store or the bait shop for quick bonding time. - Make it quick
2 Minutes each afternoon calling in to say “I love you” and “how’s it going” can be very rewarding for you and your wife.
What do you do? What’s your suggestion?
