On a recent episode of America’s Funniest Videos a child was throwing a temper tantrum in front of his mother.  When she left the room, he would stop the tantrum go to the room where she was and throw himself back on the floor, starting the temper tantrum all over again.  He repeated this act countless times.  People laughed at his antics, but the reality is many young children use that exact behavior to control their parents.

 Many pediatricians and parenting experts have expressed concern about the number of homes where the children are clearly running the show.  While parents complain about their children being out of control, many parents are seen as permissive and overly concerned about their children being happy.

In case you are wondering if your children are running your household, here is a short quiz for you to take.
Do you think it is okay for your child to tell you what to do?

Do you get intimidated by your child’s behavior?

When your child throws a tantrum, pouts or withdraws, do you change your response?

Do you change the way you handle a situation because you are afraid of your child’s response?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, your children may be in charge more than you realize.

    There is no question it is challenging being a parent today.

Whether it is television, movies or the next door neighbor, at every turn children are seeing examples of ways to outsmart their parents. Children have learned that “No” often means “maybe” and if they push hard enough they might get their parents to say yes.  If a child is told no to a request, they often think it is perfectly permissible to sneak around their parent’s back and do it anyway.

Many parents believe they grew up with too many rules.  In an effort not to repeat the same situation with their own children, they have few rules.  Research shows that families with too few rules have children who show little respect for their parents and always get what they want.  There is very little cooperation among family members and nobody is sure of anything.  You never know what will happen next.  Family members don’t count on one another.  They are expected to know what to do without being told and often feel guilty when they don’t.  The family spends very little time together and older children often try to make the rules.

So what should a parent do if this describes your family?  The good news is it is never too late to make changes.  It is important for parents to recognize that parenting is a commitment to raise a child into a productive adult.  It is your job to lead and model in your home.

It is important to understand that as children grow, they will (and should) challenge parental authority (especially at two years old and as teenagers), but families work best when parents take and maintain leadership.  It is appropriate to want your child’s cooperation, not their blind obedience.  Even very young children can be encouraged to think about what rules are needed.  Parents teach their children to think when they include them in discussing rules and consequences.  This helps children prepare for being responsible adults.  However, parents need to have the final say about rules.  If parents don’t make the rules, who does?  At the same time it is critical to remember that putting a bunch of rules in place without a real relationship with your children is simply asking for trouble.

The home is a training ground for real life.  If children aren’t taught to respect authority in the home it is unlikely they will respect it anywhere else.  Boundaries need to be set and consequences enforced so that when your children enter adulthood they are prepared for the times when they don’t get their way or they aren’t in control.  Take the challenge – be the parent your child needs you to be.