It is practically impossible to turn on the television or radio without hearing numerous stories about the economy. Not only are they telling us how bad things are, most of the stories end with something like, “and this is only the beginning,” or “it is only going to get worse.” Many people are walking around feeling hopeless and helpless in light of the situation.
“These are complicated times,” said Dr. Kit Yarrow, consumer psychologist and professor of psychology and business at Golden Gate University in San Francisco. “I encourage people to be as positive as possible. There is no question that many people are experiencing genuine hardship and trauma and are making some serious lifestyle adjustments. However, I do believe there is a silver lining. We are seeing a shift away from materialism toward values.”
Yarrow believes more people are rethinking how they define wealth.
“People are exploring where their riches come from and are finding that what really makes their life rich is the relationships,” said Dr. Yarrow. “If you have people in your life that love you and you have people to love, your life is rich. All of the rest of the stuff is great, but it is gravy.”
In a recent interview on Good Morning America, Dr. Yarrow gave these suggestions for recession-proofing your marriage:
Expand Your Meaning of Wealth: Expand your definition of "wealth" and "security" to include all of your riches -- good health, hobbies, pets, friendships, and, most importantly, your spouse and family. In the midst of difficult circumstances it helps to be intentional about focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t have or have lost.
Consider New Roles: Flexibility in the face of change is the best defense. We often enter into marriage with certain expectations about who should play what role. Now might be a good time to consider expanding those role expectations to meet new economic realities. For example, if a husband has always been the breadwinner, but loses his job and the wife, who has been at home, has a skill set that will allow her to find work quickly, switching roles could be a really good thing. Putting your thoughts and feelings on the table concerning this issue can help prevent tension in your relationship. While change may be necessary at the moment it doesn’t mean it has to be permanent.
Create a Routine: In times of uncertainty, it helps to create as much predictability in your life as you can. Set up weekly budget meetings to include not only talking about finances, but also the best ways to handle anxiety, feelings and your marriage. Don’t forget to schedule weekly meetings specifically for romance to keep the emotional aspects of your relationship strong.
Mind the Gap: Stress and anxiety deplete emotional resources. Everyone has a little less resilience right now and everyone needs a little more support. That gap can create misunderstandings that can mushroom into real conflicts. Don't jump to conclusions. Focus more on your spouse and less on yourself.
Do the Doable: Focus on what you can do and avoid panic around what you can't do. Remember, fear is just a warning bell -- worrying does not solve problems, it short-circuits rational thinking. Be mindful and stay in the present. Reach out for help and also help others -- it's empowering. Having an attitude of gratitude and humbleness makes you appreciative rather than feeling angry.
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