These are the days when you can’t go into a store without seeing school supplies. Kids are cramming in their summer reading and some parents are breathing a sigh of relief that summer is almost over.
The new school year seems like a natural time to think about what you want for your children in the future. Health, happiness and success are things parents often say they want for their children, but are the actions of parents actually helping or hurting when it comes to experiencing these things in life?
“There are many parents who micro-manage the lives of their children,” said Charlie Sykes, author of 50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School: Real-World Antidotes to Feel-Good Education and Dumbing Down our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write or Add. “Between parents who are extremely anxious to make sure their children are always happy and the obsession of the education system about self-esteem, we have this weird stew that profoundly impacts our children in lasting ways.”
How do children become responsible adults if they have never had to work through problems, experience failure or deal with difficult people? Numerous media stories have highlighted parents hovering over their children in the young adult years, calling employers and even getting involved in their love lives.
“Instead of allowing them to experience adversities, parents bubble-wrap their kids,” said Mr. Sykes. “This keeps children from developing coping and problem-solving skills. People learn how to be competent adults by working through the bumps and bruises and ups and downs. If parents do this for them, the kids have no immunity to the normal curve balls life throws at us.”
Sykes contends that if parents really want to help their kids be successful they must get used to the idea that they can say “no.” The number one job of parents is not to be an enabler or good buddy or constantly concerned about staying on the good side of their kids.
“I think I had wonderful parents,” said Mr. Sykes. “I guarantee you they were not obsessed about what I thought or felt about them. They did not freak out when I was unhappy about their decisions. They stayed the course as my parents. Instead of being concerned about how I felt on a particular day they were focused on the end results.”
Sykes believes we clearly aren’t doing children any favors by insulating them from reality and responsibility. He encourages parents to pick role models, both positive and negative, and find out what they do with their children. Use them as examples of what you want to see and what is not appropriate.
“If your children’s expectations are inflated they will be disappointed in every area of life including work, marriage and parenting,” said Mr. Sykes. “Parents who believe it is their job to meet every single “want” of their child run the risk of creating unrealistic expectations which will probably lead to great disappointment in life.”
Step back and evaluate the things you currently do for your child. Are those things helpful to your children in the long run when it comes to learning how to be a productive adult? If not, now is a great time to try something different.
