When Gary Viall’s daughter was two he accepted a job that put him on the road Monday through Thursday. It took some time for he and his wife to adjust to a schedule where he was gone for extended periods of time. Now they have four children ranging in age from five to 12 years old.
“I have been blessed to be home for the last two months,” said Mr. Viall. “It is always hard to leave, but I think this Monday is going to be especially difficult. The kids usually ask me which way I am going to turn when I back out of the driveway. They all stand and wave at me as I am leaving.”
Mr. Viall is one of literally thousands of parents whose job requires them to travel through the week. This means they may have to miss sports activities, parent/teacher conferences, piano recitals and the day to day happenings around the house.
“I love my job, but it does make life interesting,” said Mr. Viall. “Sometimes you can feel like the odd man out. My kids will often walk right past me to ask my wife if they can do something. I’m like, ‘Hey, you can ask me.’ But they are so used to going to her that it’s hard to do something different. It is also challenging because I don’t know where things are or who is supposed to be where when. My wife has it down to a science when I am not here. I have to get past feeling like I’m not part of the team.”
The Vialls have consistently looked for ways for Dad to stay connected to the children while he is on the road. For example, Mr. Viall talks with each of the children at night before bedtime to hear about their day. He talks with his wife several times each day to get the low down on school for each child and to make sure everybody is healthy.
“My wife does a really good job keeping me in the loop,” said Mr. Viall. “I spend a lot of time in the car. All the kids have my cell phone number and know that they can call me. Even if they get my voice mail they know I am available to them. We also communicate by email. They will send me a picture or email me about their day. Sometimes they get to go with me on trips. This past summer the family accompanied me on a trip to Florida. I took some time off and we all went to Disney World.”
Parenting experts agree that being intentional about communicating with your children while you are away can help you and your children stay connected and make re-entry at home easier. Here are some additional suggestions for engaging your children from a distance.
- Write a note to each of your children and hide it where they will likely find it while you are away.
- Take pictures of the places you visit and send them to your kids over the internet.
- Read through a book at the same time and talk about it when you check in each night – or better yet, read together on the phone for a few minutes.
- Send your children a card in the mail. Who doesn’t get excited about getting something in the mailbox?
- Start a collection of something like key chains, mugs, thimbles, or refrigerator magnets that you can bring back to your kids from each trip you take. Upon your return you can show them where you were, what that area of the country is known for and encourage them to gather additional information about that part of the United States.
With a little extra effort there are many creative ways to stay in touch with your children. Whether you take your lead from the list above or you come up with your own ideas, the most important thing is follow through.
Copyright ©2010 First Things First
