According to about.com, these are the top ten New Year’s resolutions:
- Spend more time with family and friends
- Fit in fitness
- Tame the bulge
- Quit smoking
- Enjoy life more
- Quit drinking
- Get out of debt
- Learn something new
- Help others
- Get organized
There are probably very few people who wouldn’t agree that this is a commendable list. However, if you are one of those folks who still makes resolutions you know the way this works. We have great ambitions on the first day of the new year, but by the end of the month it is back to life as usual with a few regretful thoughts about our best intentions for this year to be different.
Did you know that January is the month of the year with the highest number of divorce filings? Instead of the usual list of resolutions, maybe it would be a good idea for us to think about some resolutions that would help us have great marriages. A whopping 70 percent of divorces occur in low conflict marriages that have lost their luster. Most experts agree that many of these divorces could most likely be prevented if people were willing to be committed to and intentional about taking care of their marriage relationship.
As you head into the New Year, here are some thoughts for your consideration about things you might want to include on your list of resolutions and hints for actually following through with your plans.
Date your mate – Write it in on your calendar and consider it just as important as a work appointment.
Forgive – Couples who have been married 50 plus years say this is one of the most important qualities of a healthy marriage. Learn to forgive your spouse and move on.
Make your differences work for your relationship – It is true that opposites attract. But, many couples end up letting the very things that attracted them to each other drive them apart over the long haul. It has been said that if both people are exactly alike in a marriage, one person is unnecessary. While it is important to share the same foundational values as your spouse, how the toilet paper hangs, the dishwasher is loaded, the clothes are folded, etc. pales in comparison. Yet these are often the things that spouses claim drive them crazy.
Learn something new together - Newlyweds are usually all about doing things together, but over time many couples start doing their own individual hobby. Spending more time apart than together can be a recipe for disaster. Learning to dance together can be great exercise on top of spending time together. If dancing isn’t your thing, consider cooking, gardening, volunteering, exercising, sailing, scuba diving, tennis….the opportunities are endless.
Smile more, frown less – Studies show it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. If you find yourself in a rut of always approaching things from the “glass half empty” perspective, resolve to change your way of thinking about your marriage. Research shows that the more you think negatively about your relationship the easier it is to go that direction about everything. Work to find the positive aspects of your relationship and build on them.
If none of these work for you, come up with some of your own resolutions. After you make your list, to help you keep your resolutions, tell some of your close friends who can hold you accountable. Ask them to check with you periodically to see how you are doing with your resolution.
No matter where you stand in your marriage relationship, there are opportunities for growth. If your marriage is bad it can get good. If it is good it can get better. Take advantage of the beginning of a new year to make great things happen in your marriage.
Copyright ©2010 First Things First
