Speaking across the country to mothers and daughters, Vicki Courtney has had a front row seat to witness what is shaking down in the culture for girls.
“They tell me about struggles they are having with weight, self-confidence and the pressure to have sex,” said Vicki Courtney, author of 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter. “Some moms are clueless about what their daughters face while others are fearful and overwhelmed as they try to raise daughters in a culture that lacks healthy role models, objectifies girls, encourages them to grow up too fast and tells them if they aren’t having sex there is something wrong.”
Lest you think you only need to have five conversations with your daughter about these issues, Courtney encourages moms to have many on-going conversations on five specific topics. Some moms may be convinced that their child is different and really isn’t struggling. The reality is very few girls escape this battle.
“I think we have to acknowledge we have a problem instead of hoping our girls won’t buy into the lies our culture is telling them,” said Mrs. Courtney. “Moms have to get their bravery back and be about the business of being the parent their daughter needs them to be. We have to be willing to talk about the tough issues and sometimes that means dealing with our own baggage. For example, how do you talk about your own body in front of your daughter?”
Jumping into these conversations might be complicated. It is unlikely that your child will thank you for setting limits and protecting her. Not to worry. Stay strong and stay the course.
One survey showed that by age thirteen, 53 percent of American girls are unhappy with their bodies, and by age seventeen 78 percent, are dissatisfied. So the first conversation tackles healthy body image head-on, teaching girls that they are more than the sum of their parts. The key to helping your daughter have a healthy body image is to focus on healthy nutrition rather than weight.
Conversation number two focuses on helping your daughter enjoy girlhood instead of being rushed down a path to grow up so quickly.
“My daughter is a sophomore in college,” said Mrs. Courtney. “I fought for her girlhood as long as I could. Girlhood is precious and you can never get it back.”
To combat the cultural message, “sex is great - why wait,” the third conversation deals with what the culture is not telling your daughter about sex, emphasizing that sex is great and worth the wait.
Conversation four is a message about marriage, after all, the truth is most girls do dream about getting married in spite of what the media says.
The last conversation is about the qualities of a virtuous young woman because girls gone wild are a dime a dozen. The glamorization of bad behavior is nonstop.
“If you are feeling overwhelmed and grossly underqualified with the task of raising your daughter, I want to encourage you,” said Mrs. Courtney. “It isn’t about being a perfect mom. It is about being steadfast in your efforts to teach her how to discern truth and to give her the tools she needs to navigate the road of life in a healthy manner.”
Copyright ©2010 First Things First
