Solomon and Deona entered their marriage with $90,000 in student loans and consumer debts. For the first two years of their marriage they struggled to find common ground when it came to handling their finances.
“This couple’s story is not unique,” said Howard Dayton, Co-founder of Crown Financial Ministries and author of Money and Marriage. “Over time I have noticed that a significant number of people calling into our money management radio program were married and dealing with financial issues concerning their spouse. Add to that the intensity of the financial crisis we have been in the middle of and you have a recipe for major league problems for many marriages, which is why I decided to write this book.”
Although he has been happily married for 38 years, as Mr. Dayton conducted research for Money and Marriage he realized that while he had the money thing down, he needed to focus on the marital side of his own house.
“We put a focus group together of marriage experts including those who deal with stepfamilies and people recovering from divorce,” said Mr. Dayton. “For me personally, the experience of writing this book has had a huge impact on my own marriage. It helped me in many different ways to enhance our marriage relationship on top of what is said about money. I am convinced that many people totally miss the boat when it comes to money and marriage. God wants to use money to bring couples closer together instead of dividing them.”
From the time couples are considering marriage there are a number of key factors Dayton believes they should think about. At the top of the list is honesty. Research indicates that 55 percent of married couples are dishonest with each other when it comes to talking about what they are doing with their money. This clearly has the potential to destroy trust in the relationship. It is really important to start out your relationship being honest about finances.
“I also encourage couples to have a weekly money date to keep the lines of communication open concerning money,” said Mr. Dayton. “While this may not sound very romantic, this exercise does have the potential to greatly enhance your marriage relationship. Start out your money date by praying and inviting God to be a part of the process. Review what happened last week in terms of income and expenditures and make plans for upcoming bills. This is not a time to fight and nag. The goal is to make sure both of you are on the same page. I find in many marriages one person knows what is going on with the finances and the other doesn’t.”
More often than not, discussing money equates to a negative experience for couples.
Dayton is a firm believer is celebrating victories as couples make progress in their financial journey.
“Very few couples celebrate their financial accomplishments,” said Mr. Dayton. “I encourage them to be intentional about celebrating, encouraging one another, and expressing gratitude when they reach financial milestones.”
In spite of feeling like they were drowning in debt, Solomon and Deona decided to try these principles. Thus far, they have paid off $16,000 of their debt. They attribute this accomplishment to creating a financial plan, sticking to the plan and learning how to make wise decisions about their money.
If money is an issue in your marriage, consider coming to hear Mr. Dayton speak on June 18th from 6pm to 9 pm at The Baylor School Chapel. For more information, visit firstthings.org
