“I want to go to the mall with my friends…without you.”

“I am totally old enough to hang out downtown with my friends.  Everybody else is doing it.”

Do any of these statements sound familiar?  If you are the parent of a middle or high school student you have probably had more than one intense conversation with your child about being dropped off at the movie theater or the mall to hang out with friends.

 
“Whenever you leave your child unsupervised, whether it is at home or out in public, you are expecting them to have a certain level of maturity when it comes to dealing with situations that arise,” said General Sessions Judge Christie Sell.  “I have seen far too many well meaning parents stand in my courtroom shocked that their child was in trouble.  The reality is our children are just that, children even into the teen years.  We are living in a very different culture compared to ten or twenty years ago when most of today’s parents were growing up.  To say, ‘I did that and nothing happened to me,’ is probably not the best line of defense when thinking about what is and is not appropriate for your child today.”

    When talking to kids about potential risky situations, many respond with an attitude of, “Yes, but that will never happen to me.”  Rest assured, peer pressure is alive and well.  One mother of a teen listened in shock as her daughter told her that many of her friends’ parents were dropping them off at the movies.  When the parents were out of sight, high school friends were picking up the kids and taking them to a party and returning them to the theater right before their parents were supposed to pick them up.

    While your 13-year-old may be able to handle the lack of supervision for a period of time, his/her best friend may not be so ready.

“A friend who is not afraid to get themselves in trouble is not afraid to get your child in trouble,” said Judge Sell.  “It is rare that I only see one teen before me for public intoxication.  It is almost always a group of kids.  I strongly encourage parents not to put their child in a situation they aren’t prepared to handle.  When you drop your child off at the mall or at the movie theater you have no idea who is there.  Malls, amusement parks and movie theaters are a ‘candy store’ for predators and drug pushers.  Is your child prepared to handle the pressure from a group of teens who want to drink and drive, go somewhere they aren’t supposed to be or do something else they would never think of doing in your presence?”

In spite of appearing really smart, tweens and teens haven’t lived enough life to necessarily be discerning. Ignorance can get young people in a lot of trouble. 

“It is amazing to me how many parents say, ‘Well my kids would never do that’” said Judge Sell.  “It is probably better to assume that your child might do “that” or they might encounter or be with someone who will do “that” and the best way to help them stay out of harms way is to keep them out of the vicinity of trouble.”

Mark Twain once said, “When a child turns 13, his parents should put him in a barrel, close the lid, and feed him through a hole in the side.”  While some parents might be tempted to do this, most would not consider this great preparation for the real world. 

Instead of sticking them in a barrel, consider these suggestions:

• Don’t be a naïve parent.
• Know what your kids are doing.
• Pay attention to their circle of friends because birds of a feather typically flock together.
• If you drop your child off at the movies, check to see if he/she is really there.
• Guard against giving your child more freedom than he/she is prepared to handle.  
• Discuss what it means to be trustworthy and what happens when trust is broken.
• Remind your child about the family rules that apply even when they are with other people.
• Teach your child to trust their gut.  If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t and they should leave the scene immediately.
• Give your child suggestions about how to get out of situations.  Have agreed upon code words or a phrase that lets you know they need help.  

The definition of a parent, according to Webster’s Dictionary, is one who brings up and cares for another.  In spite of how weary you may be as a parent, it is the job of a parent to protect, teach and guide children through the many stages of development including the teen years.  Many a young adult has commented on how dumb they thought their parents were during the teen years and how suddenly wise they became as the teen grew into an adult.    

    “As parents we need to protect our children,” said Judge Sell.  “You don’t know what your child’s immunities are when it comes to social pressure.  Don’t make them have to show you.  Kids whose parents aren’t supervising them are still being watched, but not necessarily by people who will protect them.”

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