With the holiday season only weeks away, many people are already playing tapes in their mind about how the holidays will go.
Uncle Ralph will have a bit too much to drink and will insist on starting something with someone over not much of anything and the celebration will be over. Maybe you don’t get along with your in-laws and you are dreading spending time with them. Or perhaps it is your sister’s children who are totally out of control and your sister thinks it is cute while everybody else is miserable.
Truth be told, every family probably has its own holiday challenges. The question is, will you let the challenges rob you of the joy of celebrating?
“The more times these scenarios play over in your mind, the more stressed and emotional you tend to become,” said Dr. David Banks, local marriage coach. “By the time the actual day arrives you are a walking time bomb. The least little thing will set you into motion and you wonder why you are so irritable and short-tempered.”
If experiences in the past have you anticipating a less than enjoyable holiday, you are not helpless.
“You really don’t have to sit around waiting for the ill-fated shoe to drop,” said Dr. Banks. “Take control of the situation by making a plan.”
Once you have a plan, Dr. Banks suggests that you communicate your plan to your family, being careful not to make it sound like your spouse came up with the plan by him/herself.
“If you really want to get something started with your spouse and your in-laws, you’ll call your parents and say something like, ‘My husband wants to stay home for Thanksgiving this year.’ Instead of throwing your spouse under the bus, you need to tell your respective families that we came up with a plan to celebrate the holidays a bit differently this year,” said Dr. Banks.
In addition to making a plan in advance of the holiday, Dr. Banks also makes the following suggestions:
Limit the amount of time you allow yourself to think about all the things that could go wrong. The more those tapes are played, the more worked up people become.
Focus on the things over which you have control. For example, how much time you will spend at a family member’s house or how you will handle yourself when the same old conversation comes up that makes you hot under the collar.
Have a sense of humor. Appropriate laughter has calmed many a tense situation.
Celebrate at a neutral location. If going to the in-laws’ house creates friction, suggest doing something different this year like going out to eat.
Choose your battles. Even though some things irritate you, ask yourself if they are really worth getting worked up over. We all have our little idiosyncrasies it’s just a whole lot easier to see them in people other than ourselves.
Start a new tradition. If you truly believe you cannot find a way to be civil under the existing circumstances, perhaps coming up with a new way for your family to celebrate the holiday is in order. Healthy boundaries are appropriate.
Don’t forget the basics. Keep your expectations realistic, get plenty of rest, watch what you eat and drink and get some exercise. Just doing these things will help ensure you enter the holiday season better prepared for whatever lies ahead.
