Have you ever caught yourself making a “to do” list of all the things you plan to do someday when you have more time? If you are like most people, travel, spending time with family, and doing things you love but feel guilty about doing now, are at the top of your list. Lately there has been a lot of chatter about “to do lists” as a result of the recently released movie, The Bucket List, where two terminally ill men decide to break away from a cancer unit and head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die.
"I think most of us don’t want to think about the fact that we truly have a limited time on this earth,” said Dr. Bev Rodgers, psychologist, author and cancer survivor. “It is the nature of human beings to focus on the urgent. When I was diagnosed with cancer my priorities changed. Family has always been important to me, but I lived life at a fast pace-- working hard, sleeping little and focusing on saving for retirement. What makes me sad is the things that I have changed in my life because I thought the end was near are things I should have changed a long time ago.”
Dr. Rodgers changed her eating habits dramatically. Instead of priding herself on getting little rest she gave herself permission to sleep 10 hours a night. She paid more attention to the little things like a cardinal in the birdbath or a beautiful sunset--all things she would have been too busy to notice before. She stopped worrying about the almighty dollar so much.
“I realized you can’t take money or the stuff with you,” said Dr. Rodgers. “Rather than being so worried about retirement my husband and I decided we would accept fewer speaking engagements and the ones we did take we would be intentional about planning fun time on the front or back end of the trip. It has made all the difference in the world in the work we do. It has not only been more meaningful, but much more enjoyable because we are more rested and not near as stressed out.”
Rodgers thoughtfully noted that the things she has changed have absolutely enhanced her life, so much so that she wishes she had done them sooner.
“I know people who have saved their whole lives for retirement only to find out they have a catastrophic illness two months after they retire and they don’t get to do all the fun things they had planned,” said Dr. Rodgers.
When asked what words of wisdom she would like to pass along, Dr. Rodgers talked about not underestimating the value of being with your kids.
“Our society is so focused on placing value on productivity that we often miss the most important things in life,” said Dr. Rodgers. “For example, in many instances I think your children are looking for your presence, not how much money you make or how many toys you can buy them. I worked with a couple whose children were fighting all the time. As I listened to their circumstances it became clear that expectations in the home were over the top and a family member’s worth was based on their productivity. I encouraged the mom to slow down, to let go of her PTA position and to resist taking on any additional responsibilities in order to reduce the chaos at home. Instead she chose to keep going.
“In the midst of directing a huge fundraiser for her son’s school she lost him. There was a massive manhunt throughout the school. They finally found her son in his classroom with his mother’s cell phone. He was calling home to leave a message for his mom asking if now that the fundraiser was over could they spend some time together.”
What’s on your bucket list?
“I have truly learned there is no better time to do those things that are most meaningful to you in life than right now,” said Dr. Rodgers. “None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I think the best time to get started on your bucket list is today.”
