It is the third week of school and your presence is requested at school because your child cheated on a test or was caught smoking in the bathroom.
Does this mean your family isn’t healthy?
“Not necessarily,” said Dr. Phil Coyle, marriage and family therapist and professor. “It is not unusual for families who experience something like this to be concerned about the health of their family, and rightfully so. In my research I have found that healthy families have certain characteristics. But just because they have these qualities does not make them immune to having any problems.”
Based on Dr. Coyle’s research, there are 14 different characteristics that predict family health. Some of them were more important than others, but the families who had a significant number of these qualities clearly exhibited healthier relationships than other families who did not have these characteristics.
“There were definitely some surprising findings,” said Dr. Coyle. “Things that we thought would be at the top of the list were actually almost dead last. Overall we found 14 traits in priority order. The higher the trait is on the list, the more important it is to your family’s health.”
The number one trait….the ability to problem solve. Research consistently shows that couples and families who are able to identify a problem and come to agreement on a solution tend to do better over time.
The second quality is affirmation. The ability to show interest in other family members and what is happening in their lives as well as a willingness to verbally express high positive regard for one another is a strong indicator of family wellbeing.
Open communication is the third most important quality when it comes to family health. Parents who model and encourage the freedom to express feelings appropriately and teach the importance of listening to one another tend to have healthier families.
The fourth most important characteristic is well-defined boundaries and organization within the family. It is important for all family members to understand where your family begins and ends.
Family rituals and traditions ranked fifth in order of importance. Breaking bread together and reading books before bedtime are just two examples of rituals in which healthy families participate. What rituals and traditions do you have in your home?
Next is the issue of trust. Adults and children alike experience high levels of trust in a healthy family environment. Children know they can count on their parents to meet their needs. Spouses place trust in each other and model for their children what it means to be trustworthy in a relationship.
The seventh quality is sexuality. Families where the parents are openly affectionate toward one another and their children tend to be healthier. Appropriate conversations about body image, the opposite sex and healthy relationships would not be unusual in healthy families.
Another predictor of family health is the family and premarital history of the parents. Parents who felt loved and nurtured as children typically grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
Religion, faith and values was ninth on the list. Sharing the same faith beliefs and values plays a significant role in healthy families.
Community connectedness rounded out the top ten on the list. Families who are well-connected in the community and know where to find help in times of need appear to be healthier than those who are disconnected.
Families who make it a priority to spend time together and foster common interests was another common quality of healthy families.
Physical and financial well-being, the ability to deal with crises and behavior control of children completed the list.
“You cannot take one of the factors listed and guarantee a healthy family,” said Dr. Coyle. “However, the more of these characteristics a family has, the more likely they are to be resilient when life hits them square in the face. The difference with healthy families is these events that are a part of life do not destroy them. They find ways to adapt and adjust and stick together as a team no matter what life hands them.”
