Set a specific time to talk about how you want to spend the holidays. Remember that you are on the same team and your spouse is your first priority…..not your family.
As negotiations proceed, keep in mind that it isn’t your job to please everybody. You may make some decisions that disappoint one family or the other. That’s okay. People will adjust.
Before making any decisions, make sure all your options are on the table.
Once the decision has been made, each spouse should call their family to pass along the information. Be sure to say, “We have decided that…” instead of, “We can’t be with you Christmas day because he/she wants to be with his/her family.” That will do nothing but create problems for you.
Avoid committing to any invitations before checking with your spouse, even if you are certain he/she will want to go.
Be respectful of each other as you navigate this territory.
Finally, entertain the idea of starting your own traditions and consider including the in-laws.