Fathering

Fathering From a Distance

Many men find themselves trying to father from a distance due to work, divorce or military deployment.  Fathering from a distance can be especially trying with celebrations, plays and concerts often occurring during the week.  How can dads stay connected while they are away and not feel like a third wheel upon their return?

Brian Vander Werf travels almost every week for work.  Even though his girls have never known a time when their dad was home all week, it is important to him to stay connected and in the loop while he is away.

“Before I leave, I make it a point to get with each of my girls to find out what is on their calendars for the week,” said Vander Werf.  “I want to know about tests, ballgames, concerts or other events that are happening.  I share with them where I will be and what is happening in my world that week.  I want them to know that even though I am away, they are important to me and I care about what is happening in their world.  I also make sure I get my hugs in before I hit the road!”

When he travels, Vander Werf stays connected via texting and evening phone calls.

“There is no question that staying connected while I am on the road can be complicated,” Vander Werf said.  “My girls are older and texting seems to be one of the best solutions at the moment.  I have really struggled with it because that is not my thing and not my idea of a great way to connect, but it is definitely a big part of their world so I find myself texting back and forth a lot with the two of them.”

When asked if his girls knew they could contact him throughout the day if they needed him, he replied, “Most definitely!  They know I am in tune and paying attention.  I would want to know if something was up.”

Technologically, dads have lots of options for staying connected to their children.  Here are some hints to help you connect:

“Staying connected isn’t always easy,” Vander Werf said.  “However, it is absolutely worth it!  Even though I am out of town, my girls know I love and care about them.”

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