Vice President Pence has been the subject of many conversations lately. It’s regarding his rule about not dining alone with a woman other than his wife. People have varying opinions on the matter; some think it is a good rule, while others say it is archaic.
Regardless of your opinion, there is plenty of research indicating this area is worthy of our attention. Noted relationship experts – including psychologist and author, Dr. Shirley Glass, psychiatrist and author Dr. Scott Haltzman, and Dr. Thomas Bradbury, psychologist and principal investigator of the UCLA Marriage and Family Development Study – raise a red flag of warning regarding marriage and opposite-sex friendships.
In her book, NOT “Just Friends,” Glass says that most people don’t plan to have an affair. And, it’s faulty thinking to believe that attraction to someone else means that something is wrong at home. It IS possible to think someone else is attractive, even if you have a good marriage.
The single most important protector against an affair is appropriate boundaries. In a culture where men and women work so closely, it’s important to make sure you are not creating opportunities for an affair to occur. This is especially true when you might be vulnerable – like right after a fight with your spouse.
Many relationship experts understand that one of the most common pathways to an affair is when a man and woman who are “just friends” innocently begin to discuss their marriage problems. In other words, they are doing their marriage work with someone who might not be a friend to their marriage.
Can opposite-sex friendships exist in marriage? It depends. Many enter marriage with opposite-sex friendships where they describe the person as “like a sister/brother,” yet their spouse seems uncomfortable with the relationship. What do you do with that? This is a question each couple must answer.
If you haven’t talked as a couple about how you can protect your marriage, these guidelines can help inform your discussion:
So, we all know what Mike Pence has chosen to do in an attempt to safeguard his marriage. Perhaps the best thing we can do is focus on what is best for our own marriage. And let’s cheer others on to do the same.
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